You don’t see others’ internal struggles
But everyone is struggling in some way.
It's been hard to wrap my head around that this morning.
My bounding energy this morning was overwhelming this morning and I felt ridiculous for having posted something on Facebook last night. I felt a blindness for how I see myself in the world as my high flying energy seemed to paint the whole picture.
Finally i didn't know what to do about it and I felt a codependency on others to tell me soothing things, for me to complain to, etc...
I realized though these choices I am making are how I am dealing with my problems and I have just as much choice and agency to sort out different solutions. So that's what I'm doing, I'm mindful and present. Our solutions are unique to ourselves. You don't see others struggling but they are. Humility.
Have a good day!! xx
Replies
I am so careful what I post to facebook just because sometimes, the feeling I get later on is enough for me to recognize that it doesn't feel right.
You need to vent, safely, you need to express, safely, you need to experience full surround of the feelings, safely, and give yourself grace when it feels odd, weird, different from what you expected. That is the growth you are making in your journey of healing.
Keep on "keeping on'! You've got this!
Thanks Mid!
Big squishy hug sweetie
What this morning’s journal also helped me to see was this. At the risk that the charting of my own path in life presents, the monastery brings what seems to be the request to give up responsibility and choice in exchange for safety. For the risk averse, for the weak or the disabled, there seems to be this lifestyle as an answer.
The promise of harmony also encourages and entices me to listen and be attentive. It taps into my own secret desires as well. I know I still have to self define at times and fight for my place in the world. That’s unavoidably a reality but here it is a much softer thing.
It’s maybe not the smartest place for me to be but it has taught me a great deal. I feel enlightened about a lot of things, and healthier as well. My greatest weakness of avoiding conflict or hurting others is met and matched with this kind of structure.
I’m just coming to clearly see, understand and express what i didn’t have the tools for doing so previously.
I do not mean to seem judgmental. I’m just trying to understand.
It also brings community and fellowship and purpose.
Thanks Jan!!
my friend the abbess also responded to my journal today - and her response inspired me - in an unusual way..
she said something to the effect of 'don't worry about coming out good to others or myself' just exist in the flow
of taking care of my sisters and brothers and the elders here at the monastery (s) -
it really signaled to me to just 'be' - feel pleasure and do my work and not to be so captivated with
the need to be something - I am not....I don't know if this makes sense - but I feel the comradery here of this community online -
of this community at the monastery - my friends and family - outside of my life here in Maryland in both California
and Europe.. Today I have gone from feeling brittle to feeling just in the moment and having life being satisfying.
We're all coping with and defined with each other traveling on life's road with our challenges.
That feels good and grounding.
So hugs to you guys- keep on keeping on - I am here if you need to chew the fat! :) xx
No one and I mean No One knows how someone else feels.
We with """Invisible Illness""" know all too well the devilish way we can be treated by those who Just Don't Get the """It's""" of what we deal with on a daily basis.
Carry on Gentilly with yourself First, no one else, if you are not well, you can not do what you want to support others in your family, community, or Church, <3
Thanks Mary Louise!
You are enough sweetie and you always have and will be...xo
Thanks Janet!