You can go home again

A famous writer once said 'You can't go home again'.  When I first heard that, I was young.  I took it literally.  I imagined that he meant that you literally couldn't go home again. Now, I'm old and and somewhat wise.  I know that you can walk throgh the door of your old home, but everything will look and feel different.  I know that you are a different person, and thus, the experience is new.
Many of you know about my situation with my father.  He and I have never gotten alone and now I'm living with him.  I hit rock bottom yesterday, but today, God picked me up and stood me on my feet and I feel better.  He then gave me revelation.  It isn't my father that bothering me.  It's returning home in general.  
Returning home means I'm here for a reason.  And that reason is that my husband is gone.  I'm alone, but the woman that walked out of here years ago is not the same woman.  I don't know how to be her again.  In other words, I'm home, but not to the same home.  The world that I see now is not the same world.  Yes, the streets around here are the same.  It's the same house.  It's the same schools, but a different person drives down the street.  And I've been trying to figure out how to merge the old me with the new. Yet, it's impossible.
The old me can't return home, and the new me doesn't want to go home because to go home is to erase everything I had with my husband.  I'm no longer the wife, I'm the daughter.  I'm no longer the woman of the house, I'm the caregiver of the house. 
Under normal circumstances, I would have had time to adjust.  I would have cried on my husband's shoulder and have gotten through this.  Instead, I carry the weight by myself.  If it wasn't for God and the good friends I have here, I would be lost.  But this group allows me to explore my feelings in a simlar way that I did with DH.
As for the future, I've got to learn to live one day at a time.  I've got to let go of the past and embrace the uncertainty of the future. 
 

Replies

deleted_user
deleted_user

I sure understand what you are saying. We all sure have lost so much. Hopefully some day we will find some good again in our lives and not mind getting up in the morning. Hugs.
deleted_user
deleted_user

The living one day at a time is the only way that seems to work for me - cuz my feelings, my emotions change so often........I can only take one day at a time. As my dear husband used to say - \"baby steps\"........when you\'re not sure, just take baby steps..........God I miss him !!!
Peace to you for a good tomorrow. Christine
DianeMTB
DianeMTB

No. You can not go home again. It is impossible. The old you is gone but the new you is emerging. The new you can accept the challenge of living with your dad. DH would understand. Late the new you be strong and brave and ready to face the challenges ahead. All the best to the new you from Diane
Joely
Joely

You can do this! You will do this! I know it is a big adjustment, but you are a strong woman and will be able to do what you have to do----especially with God\'s help. HE is with you and will be beside you, picking you up when needed. As someone else said.....\"baby steps\". Joely
Lininsocal
Lininsocal

I think this is a good enlightenment. You were a child livind under the roof of your parents, living by their rules. You are now a woman living in the home owned by your father due to the circumstances there to provide care for him but not subject to those rules that restricted you as a child. Live your own life from that house, do not let the father daughter role to take you back to those days where you needed to abide. Circumstances has surely pulled the rug from under your feet but regroup. Make sure you have activities that take you out of the house so you don\'t lose yourself. I am praying for you, it os a difficult undertaking and adjustment.
Hugs2U Linda
deleted_user
deleted_user

You are gaining insight into your situation ...........and you will get through ...........I\"m trying to just live in the \"moment\"............and this day is coming to an end........one more down..........we\'re here for each other and that is a good thing...........blessings
L