yoga really opened my eyes today
I spent the whole day alone yesterday and this morning.
My usual visits did not happen. I did go for coffee a couple times.
For the most part I was alone, and the vast emptiness seemed
to be magnified. No one reached out to me except for one
call before I went to bed. I felt vacant inside but I decided to keep
with my usual yoga class on Sundays because it is the one thing
that was scheduled. I have to say it really changed my day and my vision.
It was great to 'get out' and be amongst others and focus on the exercise
and discipline of the class, yoga.
I came back to the apartment and I ate a nice lunch and then walked
over to the bakery and got a coffee. Came home
and I realized that in alone time I have been filling myself up - the empty space
so to speak- with food or television. Kind of unconsciously actually. The practice of
yoga kind of wakened me to what I have been doing. I kind of go into blind passive mode
of fitting in with whatever's 'going on' on the TV or online... The indulgent factor has been taking
over and I think now I am kind of seeing that I can have a more directed, purposeful role
in my time off, rather than just slip into the 'ooze of downtime.' It's kind of interesting to me
and also a 'wake up call' as well. :-)
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one thing this reminds me of is the concept that my therapist has talked about.
"Finding meaning and connection." It truly is the case, but I can't always decipher
that for myself but perhaps I am getting better since I seem to be conscious of it today,
or more conscious. I like coming on here and writing out my ideas and connecting
with you guys. I know that sounds kind of clinical, coming here has truly saved my life,
and with therapy, I feel like my cognition and growth has been effected for the better.
I s'pose "clinical" is one word you could use for "awareness" and "living deliberately," but out of my mouth, I still believe ^it^ is a good thing. With awareness and deliberation, I can train myself to do ^it^ well instead of self-indulging myself to a state of forlorn misery.
I'm still straddling the fence on whether keeping my therapy journal on-line and open to random comments is better than the old spiral notebooks that not even *I* read. While I debate that point, I have zero doubt that taking the time to get my thoughts into words is a valuable therapy and development tool. Equally, channeling my hyper-expressing into written word saves allot of wear and tear on the people who are foolish enough to care about me in person.
You inspire me so much Arfie. You are an angel and a strong person who is exemplary. You have impacted so many here.
So glad you have found yoga to be helpful for you. Being out in public amongst people is good for us. Work is really good for me.
thanks becky! and I agree!