yet another sad moment...

Well, I went to my downstairs neighbors house to have fun and decorate stockings.  It was very fun, but halfway through it, I had to step outside and cry.  I couldn't stop.  all I could think about was my wife.  I started remembering our fun times in the holidays, decorating the house, the tree, taking pictures with the tree.  I am not doing anything this year,  as they are not with me, and the going trend so far is they won't be.  Sarah wants to take the kids to California for the holiday.  The divorce papers that she filed, says that she cannot leave the state unless I say it's ok.  I want to be the biggest prick and say no, because think that she is being selfish.  I have only seen my boys or heard from them three times in four weeks.  I miss them, but I cannot think of anything else then the fact that she is using my kids as a tool to inflict more pain against me.  It hurts a lot, as I miss them all.  I still do not have ANY communication with her at all. Not even for my kids sake.  I wrote her that email about the fact I won't email her period or call.  I just dont know anymore.  I miss her and love her so much, it just hurts right now so badly. This was my favorite time of the year to be with my family.... Now it is an empty time, just like everything else.