yesterday & this morning
Yesterday:
Is it possible for someone to have an eating disorder, drop to 70lbs, not get professional help, not need medical attention and then have 3 good friends that were worried and concerned about her health beg her to change her ways- then just stop because she all of a sudden realized she whould love herself?
It's hard for me to phathom being true, maybe it is- just seems too easy. Especially for one to get an eating disorder and turn around in two years (maybe less). Or maybe I am just fucked up and should be over this. I don't know what to think. My mind is all over right now.
Why are my emotions so messed up? I feel like sometimes I use the wrong/inappropriate emotions. Is it possible to not have appropriate emotions? Or am I just weird and fucked up? I mean I do have the right emotions at times...this is what Joanna and I left off talking about today and we will pick it back up tomorrow. I also let emotions linger around until something comes up that changes it.
This morning:
I wake up and am studying and writing things in various documents for class. Who pops up? Yup, Lindsay. She is so god damn worried about this birthday present. Who cares? She focuses way too much on presents. It's always what did you get for xxx holiday? I got xyz. What did you get me? I don't give a fuck about gifts. Since when does a holiday mean gifts? Holidays are to celebrate/thank/remember other people and what they have done (positives). It boggles my mind how some people can focus so much on inanimate objects. Then to boot, she never even said I'm sorry about Flower, or that's so sad, or how are you doing? Nothing. She knows about it- I mean helllo it's on FB. It's not that I WANT people to feel bad for me or give me sympathy but I'm kind of pissed that if she thinks we are BFF's that she doesn't say anything. AHHH
Then Mike messages me saying he is in a pickle. So I said what's going on? He said that some coaches called him and want him to go to Dartmouth for the summer to tryout for the worlds lightweight 8+ as their coxswain. I asked okay, so why are you in a pickle and his response was 'well it's a good opportunity and I would have a really good shot at making it, but would need to take leave from my job." God he is so fucking cocky. Just becuase he was born with a physical impairment, the coaches at Notre Dame felt bad for him and he was their 1V coxswain they gave him the opportunity to go to National Developmental camps. People who go to DIII schools never get recommendations from coaches....only DI schools can do that. And because of his impairment people feel bad for him. HAH no one feels bad for someone with mental issues. Whatever I kept being nice and asked him if he was asked the question to go and he had to give them an answer right then and there what would he respond with. He said he would say yes and go. So i told him that he needs to go with his gut response and just do it. Even though I really truly wanted to tell him not to.
AHHHHHH
Is it possible for someone to have an eating disorder, drop to 70lbs, not get professional help, not need medical attention and then have 3 good friends that were worried and concerned about her health beg her to change her ways- then just stop because she all of a sudden realized she whould love herself?
It's hard for me to phathom being true, maybe it is- just seems too easy. Especially for one to get an eating disorder and turn around in two years (maybe less). Or maybe I am just fucked up and should be over this. I don't know what to think. My mind is all over right now.
Why are my emotions so messed up? I feel like sometimes I use the wrong/inappropriate emotions. Is it possible to not have appropriate emotions? Or am I just weird and fucked up? I mean I do have the right emotions at times...this is what Joanna and I left off talking about today and we will pick it back up tomorrow. I also let emotions linger around until something comes up that changes it.
This morning:
I wake up and am studying and writing things in various documents for class. Who pops up? Yup, Lindsay. She is so god damn worried about this birthday present. Who cares? She focuses way too much on presents. It's always what did you get for xxx holiday? I got xyz. What did you get me? I don't give a fuck about gifts. Since when does a holiday mean gifts? Holidays are to celebrate/thank/remember other people and what they have done (positives). It boggles my mind how some people can focus so much on inanimate objects. Then to boot, she never even said I'm sorry about Flower, or that's so sad, or how are you doing? Nothing. She knows about it- I mean helllo it's on FB. It's not that I WANT people to feel bad for me or give me sympathy but I'm kind of pissed that if she thinks we are BFF's that she doesn't say anything. AHHH
Then Mike messages me saying he is in a pickle. So I said what's going on? He said that some coaches called him and want him to go to Dartmouth for the summer to tryout for the worlds lightweight 8+ as their coxswain. I asked okay, so why are you in a pickle and his response was 'well it's a good opportunity and I would have a really good shot at making it, but would need to take leave from my job." God he is so fucking cocky. Just becuase he was born with a physical impairment, the coaches at Notre Dame felt bad for him and he was their 1V coxswain they gave him the opportunity to go to National Developmental camps. People who go to DIII schools never get recommendations from coaches....only DI schools can do that. And because of his impairment people feel bad for him. HAH no one feels bad for someone with mental issues. Whatever I kept being nice and asked him if he was asked the question to go and he had to give them an answer right then and there what would he respond with. He said he would say yes and go. So i told him that he needs to go with his gut response and just do it. Even though I really truly wanted to tell him not to.
AHHHHHH
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