yesterday

sooooo  we have been ignoring each other..  which is normal after one of these episodes..  plus he has been working some side jobs...  but yesterday he called me to see who was gonna take my youngest back to daycare after school,and said ..just to let u know, I went on some medication for my...spazing (is what he called it)   and I just sat there.. and (trying to choose my words carefully as possible) ... and said well... thats good for u .. but that doesnt solve anything..he said I know.. I just wanted to let u know... and I hung up.. that does not change anything for me though .. i dont think he can change.. hell ... I know he cant.. it soo doesnt take away all the shit he has done to me.. he had that chance with me.. he had years of chances... so now?  If I say that to him.. is that gonna set him off again?  fuck me... I cant win..  UPDATE:so I woke up at 430 am in the morning thinking of this stuff and just had to write it down... I guess tonight and tomorrow he is going overnight somewhere for a job so it will be non dramatised around here for a couple days.     People have been callin me, or emailing me to just talk, and I do what I normally do after one of these episodes, I dont email or contact back , cause then they would know something was wrong. and I dont want them to....  so I shut everyone out.  why do I that?  I dont get it? I dont want to hear people tell me the same old stuff that u need to leave, I KNOW THAT OK?  I mean I do get that, but that isnt easy to do.   Its hard...people make it sound and seem like it should be so easy to do...  how do u explain that to them?   when they have never been through this?   its 830 now and lord ....  I went into his truck this morning... and found what I think he says "is medication"  ...  Get this... St. John's Wort... HA.... NO SHIT! sooo I am gonna call him later and ask him what doc he went to? and see what he says...  cause ummmm... St Johns Wort is soooooooooooooo not gonna be enough for U to stop spazing. HA funny...  U need to see a professional...