:'( (yes, again)

I wish the next 48 hours would just go away.  I really do.
Thanksgiving was okay...at least as much as okay can be for someone whose birthday is tomorrow and feels a lot more hurt by it coming than happy (in fact, I really don't think there is any happy involved with this).
One of my brothers who isn't going to be here tomorrow gave me an early gift: Tickets to two women's college sports games on the campus of Boston University during the course of the winter; one next Saturday and the other in February.  Women's matches tend to draw smaller crowds -- few people really care about them here, so that helps a little bit...and I guess he could have done much worse because once I go to the games, that's it...I don't have to worry about them again.
But considering that all I really want is to be left alone, it still hurts, very much.  I hate being the center of attention.  I really hate getting but not giving back (that's how Christmas somehow becomes slightly more bearable even though by the time it rolls around I no longer care because it just gets pushed so (cuckoo) hard...).  But probably worst of all, I see no reason to celebrate.  Period.  Not when my underlying issues have manifested themselves in ways that have proven to be particularly harmful the last few months...do you think I enjoyed having all these issues with my lab course?  Didn't think so.
I might be slightly closer to dealing with these things -- even if a lot of that has been privately of late -- but it doesn't help chuck the feeling that I've found a way to throw another year into the trash can with little if anything to show for it.