Years later
It's been some years since ive been on here and i have way too much to talk about and too little time. I have insomnia and its after 4am but right now i feel like i could crash at any minute.
In the last 3 years my life has been the same. no, wait. ive been the same while my life is changing around me. I still feel like im 13. I cant break out of this comfort zone. I havent had a job in almost a year and i know its because im scared to grow up, but yet im raising 3 kids that aren't even blood related. I dont know what id do without them now that i have them. In case your wondering, their mother is a homeless deadbeat. She has always been a piece of shit, even in middle school.
Anyways, my parents take care of all of us. Eric used to work for Strange Music which was awesome but it didnt work out because he never could find a baby sitter for all of the kids early in the morning. He quit back in July on my 21st birthday because Travis wanted him to go on a promo trip that night. He hasnt had a job since. He gets food stamps and cash assistance. He's also supposed to get child support but the kids' mothwhore cant hold a job for more than a week.
I have got to fix this somehow. I jumped in to being a mother at 21 years old and im stuck living with my parents with no income what so ever. its really not even my responsibility but im not going to let eric raise these kids alone. Eric is undoubtedly the only man i have ever considered marrying. I NEVER wanted to get married and I dont believe in marriages. What is a girl to do? I think im in more of a fucked up position than ive ever been in. I have to get a job if i want to survive with 3 kids. I need to do something with my fucking life. (This is when I start thinking about how much of a piece of shit loaner i am. I hate myself because i cant be normal. i cant just get out into the open world without a crutch. That being weed, pills, or a few drinks.) I need help. fml.
In the last 3 years my life has been the same. no, wait. ive been the same while my life is changing around me. I still feel like im 13. I cant break out of this comfort zone. I havent had a job in almost a year and i know its because im scared to grow up, but yet im raising 3 kids that aren't even blood related. I dont know what id do without them now that i have them. In case your wondering, their mother is a homeless deadbeat. She has always been a piece of shit, even in middle school.
Anyways, my parents take care of all of us. Eric used to work for Strange Music which was awesome but it didnt work out because he never could find a baby sitter for all of the kids early in the morning. He quit back in July on my 21st birthday because Travis wanted him to go on a promo trip that night. He hasnt had a job since. He gets food stamps and cash assistance. He's also supposed to get child support but the kids' mothwhore cant hold a job for more than a week.
I have got to fix this somehow. I jumped in to being a mother at 21 years old and im stuck living with my parents with no income what so ever. its really not even my responsibility but im not going to let eric raise these kids alone. Eric is undoubtedly the only man i have ever considered marrying. I NEVER wanted to get married and I dont believe in marriages. What is a girl to do? I think im in more of a fucked up position than ive ever been in. I have to get a job if i want to survive with 3 kids. I need to do something with my fucking life. (This is when I start thinking about how much of a piece of shit loaner i am. I hate myself because i cant be normal. i cant just get out into the open world without a crutch. That being weed, pills, or a few drinks.) I need help. fml.
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