yearning.

sometimes I a am very aware of my neediness and I am not sure what I can do about it. I am sitting here and want things to change in my life, to feel like I am not wasting away my days. I keep busy (and I work too) but I still feel like it's all sand through my fingers.
I want to own my life too and yet, in the conventional way, to not be beholden to anyone for my financial viability, it seems like too much to be done. Lord wouldn't a good lottery ticket be nice to see right about now :).
 Does anyone else feel this way? Like the illness has just cut them out of society, out of social life, out of activities that make it all less miserable? I do take support from here and from other friends on the internet, but I come back to this yearning again, time and again. I feel less than for not being strong and resourceful enough to keep it at bay. thanks for reading.
I think I can remember reading others posts now too, and of course I am not along in having angst or feeling miserable about stuff. Sometimes it's just gotta 'come out' I guess. I'll go an post on the boards. Thanks! :)