Wut

I am trying to be as honest as I can be but in truth each time I think about putting my words down here, it doesn’t seem to matter. I don’t know if I really want to write here or about this but here I am. So I guess I want to enough. I am alone here after the morning at the market and then being at the office. My mood really shifted and I feel like my identity shifted with it at the end of the market shift. I am just at home now self medicating with food and drink. I am watching the BBC news channel and as much as I like it, I really wish I had someone to relate to actively and so I am writing here. I love the decorum of the show I was just watching but I can’t live in sitting on the couch and just watching. I don’t know what to make of the way my outlook has changed today but I will try to keep the standard up. Do what I need to do and be as positive as I can. I go to my therapist tomorrow and so I’ll have a conversation then! Joy! It must be horrible to live in solitary confinement but I kind of do and it’s forcing me to draw on resources in different ways. To live as a monk is also a way of life that seems to both draw and repel me. Perhaps as in any interaction there will be what we like and what repels us which is a normal part of any interaction. I pray for emotional intelligence and thoughtfulness and strength. Perhaps for now.. let it be.. but I’ll need to make a choice out there eventually. Peace and namaste folks!!