wtf is wrong with me

It lingers on and on . I let it come in .. I must have or would it have com to me anyways?! this blank thought this sadness this feeling of nothing ness just spaced out all the time.. not in touch with reality or wanting to face it, so it just gets worse and worse ..def got work when I lost my job but still being around ppl I just couldn't do it being around ppl I am so different from ...hell I am different from every one. I cant afford nice stuff ...I dont't have friends for the most part or family out here...I am just this invisible cloud of existence I am here breathing but not existing. do I even wanna get help? It takes over this depression makes you not want to change or wanna get help... everyday is worse and worse and I am more stuck and this just takes over and over me...until it is me. this is who I have become. you stop caring you stop feeling in a way... just sleep and eat and become a hermit and here I have this 5 yr old son that I cannot parent properly......I couldn't even tak him to school or daycare...he eats but that's it watches tv and I just kinda sit around with him and just exist on the day..I cant work and I have rent to pay and I cannot work...... this fucking sucks all of it and I just don't have enough strength to change it... everything is slowly falling apart and I feel I relate with no1. I cannot leave my house I am stuck indoor and afraif to go outside. afraif to face ppl and face things. embarasssed with how I have become. I am not proud. just ashamed and getting old and I don't have a real career or real purpose besides my son .. and sadly that is not enough and it should be but it's not. I feel awful that I am not able to change my state on my own. I guess the fact that I cant go out in public is the worst part of it. cant talk or carry on a convo....just brain feels deadened no real thought process. I don't know certain stuff about life or the world to carry on real proper conversation. just things you should know for my age ...feel like a kid something....