writing makes things clearer

So writing that last journal entry made it pretty clear to me that I am just not ready to return to work. So, I sucked it up and wrote the client to let them know I have been dealing with some medical issues and need them to redistribute the work I had accepted. I also let her know that I will let her know when I am ready to return to work. I hope they will still want to work with me. I figured it was best to tell the truth and hope that that is enough for them.
I feel a huge relief...which tells me I did the right thing. But that doesn't mean I don't still feel guilty about not finishing up the work. I think I need to focus on getting better right now. If I don't focus on that, how will I be able to work successfully - meaning without getting sick again?
I feel like I'm looking out onto a huge open void. This weight that was hanging around my neck is finally gone, but while it was pulling me down, it also gave me something to hold on to. I guess I have to deal with the fact that now that I let it go, I have to face the rest of things, whatever those things may be.
Not knowing is really hard. I'm silently kicking myself for letting work out of my fingers. I waited months to get that job...I guess it's too bad that I got it when I wasn't totally well yet. I was anxious the entire time I was doing the job. And now I'm relieved. What does that tell me?
Sigh.