wrapping my head around what to do tonight

I came back to my room tonight. Texted a few people

and have been spending time with Blue.

I started to wonder what to do tonight - and I couldn't imagine it.

I recognized and included the stress involved of doing something

in the world - something I wrote about in a previous journal. It's really

helped me get realistic, capable and understanding of why sometimes

I get frozen in place and it makes space for creating ideas of what to do 

and so forth.

I just wrapped my head around 'what to do tonight' - I thought about WHAT
DO I HAVE TO DO...and so often THAT is what is really on my mind.

Shifting gears to what I WANT requires me to think in ways that are different

from the momentum of my day. Things are good. I hope this made sense.

I'll brush my teeth now and take my meds! Ugh I need like an hour in the morning

just to wake up from all the meds! Free time a lot of the times makes me just want to sink

into pleasure, so often being around other people in person has me super mixed state

(jan taught me that tonight.) A drink and good vibes would be nice. But frankly maybe

writing is good enough! :)