wow two days in a row

well, here i am again. i finnaly went to see my counseler. im not doing well at all. ive backslide big time. i am even a little worse. couldnt go to group today. i cant be in that room with all those people. i have no confidence at all anymoore. im terrified about the appt i have tommorow. im so scared.   i can feel myself spiraling downword and i just cant seem to stop it. of course the hormones are bad im either very mad or sad aor i just dont give a #$%@. the only time i seem to be at peace is with my xanex sleeping pill cocktail. wene i wake im in a panic EVERYDAY. i just dont know what to do. of course doc says just take moore medicine. this time i said no.  i just dont know what to do anymoore. its bad here. i dont see a rainbow anywere in the futcher. all i can say is ahhhhh!!!!! going to start writing in journal again. im hopeing it will help.