Wow! I have came so far...

Well, since the first time I joined DS I dont feel like I have that much trouble. I have definately made a big turn around in my life and know myself a little more.  I dont have the friends I used to and it is a burden off my back. I started out with my FABULOUS 5 which are Tony, Alex, Jay, Zee, and Joseph.  Tony- He is still in my life because he has been for 11 years but he is not that close. I try not to let him be too close because I try too much with him. He needs alot of direction and I need to leave him alone and let him figure it out. I did alot of thinking for him when we were living together and now that we are living separately, there is no need for me to keep giving that boy direction. I have been doing good because I have been staying away.  Alex- I received one last call from her about a month ago saying she hasnt had a phone and she just turned it back on. She said I should call her and if I am not calling her because there is something wrong with our friendship then she is going to kick my ass (playfully of course) I have not returned her call and she no longer contacts me. Jay- I decided that as a friend Jay doesnt respect me. I have known Jay for 6 years now and I dont think he ever respected me. I came from a background that wasnt so great. I told Jay everything that has happened to me and he basically treated me like the person I used to be instead of treating me like I was supposed to be treated. I dont blame him that much because I still had previous tendencies, but I was showing improvement and he didnt embrace those improvements as the new me. I just figured that out after 6 years and had to let him go. I have changed since he knew me when I was 17 years old. I am now 23 and you still treat me like that other girl I used to be??? Its time for a change... Zee- Last time I hung out with Zee was after the last time I seen Sherry, my therapist. Sherry makes me sad and angry and I had to take a break from therapy. I would go to Zee's house cuz she was my "party" friend. Come to find out, she wasnt a friend at all and just wanted to actually BE with me. She wanted a three some with her and her "dude" and I refused. I still wanted to be her friend because I thought she was cool and told her that she cant see me in that way. I decided to cut off the relationship because I didnt like her lifestyle and I seen she was bringing me down with her at times when I felt low. I would do drugs (xtc or weed or drink) and that is not who I am at all! I only did that when I felt at my lowest, which is after seeing Sherry. We no longer talk, it has been 2 months. Joseph- We are still together and everything is going great. I still get scared letting Joseph in because he is a man and you know I have man issues and trusting men. We are still working on those issues and he is changing a few things in me through his own life condition which I think is great. Learning from someone that has a great view of who they are and what they want to do is inspiring. He inspires me to change my ways and gain knowledge of what needs to be in order to succeed.  As for me, I am feeling good. I dont have friends right now but maybe I need to delve a little deeper within myself to see what kind of friends I need. I have started a new job and it has been going great so far. I am trying to meet friends at work but I think some girls think I am too happy and in your face, out-going, kinda corny, and immature. I am all those things and if they dont like what I am then I can just show them I am cool through example. I love that I am able to just speak to anyone and be out going and not be shy. I do push myself onto people, meaning, I try to get to know you and ask you questions just so I can get a sense of my surroundings, but some take that as me trying to cling on to them since I am new to the job. Nonetheless, I am working and I am making money and paying my bills and doing the best Krissy can do for herself at the moment, so no more trying to make friends and Ima just let it ride and have things come to me for a change.  I want to update some goals today: (1) TRUST AND VALIDATE MYSELF because usually I would second guess myself with people and try to act cool and care what they say. I dont feel like that anymore and that means I have changed for the better. It does hurt my feelings though how people dont get what my intentions are. They are entitled to their own feelings and I just need to worry about how to better express and suppress mine. (2) HAVE POSITIVE PEOPLE AROUND ME because even though I lost 3 ( Jay, Zee, and Alex) I have gained 1 great one that is better than all three combined, Joseph. (3) CROWN MY HEART EVERYDAY because I am doing something about myself and not being a stone in water. I am not watching the tides past by instead I am going with the tides. (4) BECOME STRESS FREE because canceling out extra baggage it being stress free. I am also watching out what I am handling in my life so I wont be stressed. It needs to be worth it like school or work for it to stress me out and keep it in my life.

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You are a growing young woman, and that is a major step 4 you and Joseph cares about you; its good 2 hear yall two are still trying to breakthrough that issue dealing with trust. You are getting 2 your breakthrough, its a journey babygurl...Im happy 4 you its been a rough one 4 ya I know how that is. Just hang in there, friends come & they go, it takes time and try not to force yourself on ppl, if they are 4 you then God will allow them 2 be part of your life. Seasonal ppl come 4 a season 2 teach you things and move on, Lifetime ppl will teach u lifetime expectations and are your true friends boo...Im telling you what I know. Your friends will be wiht you when u fall and they uplift you back up. take care!