wow 2 times in one day.

well, son came home and was here for a while, then he went out. of course. i should have known. he realy cant aford it. he is just like me wene iwas young unbfortunatly. he has that addictive personality. he is so shy till he gets drinks in him, just like i was, still am but now im on medication, no booz. i just hate it that he inharited a lot of my traits. he is still doing very well in colledge, even w? the bad hangovers, unfortunatly. every thing in shool comes pretty easy to him. he is so intelegent.  he is so handsome, he just doesnt relize it. its a big shame. he is aucward around girls? women and wene he gets drunk, he gets very happy and silly. ya know girls ussually dont like that. he doesnt know but he is much moore hanksome than his freinds, yet they get all the girls. they dont want to give him pointers, and i know why, then he would get the girls. im just so glad he is doing well in school. i droped out wene had oldest     child, or rather was kicked out. it was 1976 and i was 15 yrs old. they thought it was contaigois back then. i was the ONLY girl in the whole school that acualy had a baby so i was the bad one. if it were now, i would get all kinds of help, but what ya ganna do?oh well thats my rant for the day. my poor mom may she rest in peace. she was hit and killed by drunk driver wene she was 49 yrs old. im older than my mother ever was, have no dad except my so called stepdad who i cant stand, he was mean to my poor sick mother. i will never forgive him. i could go on but im getting very down. oh well. at leaste i had a good day. im trying to allow myself to be hapy, but im terrified. wenever i let my guard down and try to be happy, something or someone allways has screwed it up, so i dont allow myself to get very happy. have to work on that. i miss my mom so much. i was very young and rebelious. the last words i spoke to her were hatefull, i was a brat. and then she was gone in an instant. ok, must go before i realy loose it. ok, moore tommorow maybe. god please  g ive me the peace i need  so bad and help me      to do right for myself. this i pray to you in jesus name, amen