Would this bother you?
The next phone call from my brother. This time a message left for me.
Brother: KEVIN! This is your brother.
(actually he said his name but for some reason I guess to protect his privacy or something I'm not useing it.)
Go over cut dad's finger and toe nails as soon as possible.
(pause, and then kinda as an afterthought,)
Thank you.
OK, so sounds pretty harmless but here is the thing; I'm not responsible for my father's care, I live twice as far from where he is living than my brother, I see him about half as often as my brother and what could happen if my father didn't get his finger and toe nails cut as soon as I can possible do it?
I visit my dad once a week at least, usually not more but once in a while twice a week. My brother visits at least twice a week maybe more. I'm not sure. I do not like visiting him. It makes me feel bad and I really can't do anything for him and, at least to me, it never feels like he is happy to see me and only says or does things to make me feel bad. I dont know how much is the Alzheimers and how much is that he and I never had much of a connection and spent very little time together so he doesn't really have anything to talk about with me but ask how everyone else is, how much it cost for him to be there and how my mother died.
Meanwhile, my brother had spent lots of time with my dad, shared interests and work with him and since my father had supported my brother his whole life, my brother feels some responsibility to visit him more and look after him.
My brother is always telling me I should do more for my father and love him more and owe him things. This seems like he is trying to convince himself and force his own feelings on me. I've told my brother the only thing I owe my father is my love and respect. I don't owe him more visits than is warranted to ensure he is being taken care of (and don't really owe him that since it is your responsibility legally to do that). I don't owe him walks in the park or taking him to lunch or cutting his finger and toe nails. He didn't pay for my whole life and support my drug habit or let me live rent free or give me money everyday of my life. I have not gotten anything but a couple vehicles from my father (I mean actually two, my first and my current six year old used when I got it one which I paid for half, while my brother has had five and never paid for any of them) since I was about 12 years old. My father never really did anything for me, personally. Also, my parent's legal Trust put my brother in care of my parents for medical decisions and care even though somehow I still had to do all the work and arrange and make all the decisions when things went bad while my brother harassed my sick mom trying his hardest to get control of the finances or at least stil be paid money every day.
As for me, I don't really notice or check my father's finger or toe nails when I visit so wouldn't notice if they needed cutting most of the time. But when I did notice I'd bring some clippers the next time I visit and cut them. I'd also ask that the attendants at the living assistance facility where he lives would do it. I would never, not even think of, call my brother and ask him to do it.
Sorry for the length of this. Just venting.
Brother: KEVIN! This is your brother.
(actually he said his name but for some reason I guess to protect his privacy or something I'm not useing it.)
Go over cut dad's finger and toe nails as soon as possible.
(pause, and then kinda as an afterthought,)
Thank you.
OK, so sounds pretty harmless but here is the thing; I'm not responsible for my father's care, I live twice as far from where he is living than my brother, I see him about half as often as my brother and what could happen if my father didn't get his finger and toe nails cut as soon as I can possible do it?
I visit my dad once a week at least, usually not more but once in a while twice a week. My brother visits at least twice a week maybe more. I'm not sure. I do not like visiting him. It makes me feel bad and I really can't do anything for him and, at least to me, it never feels like he is happy to see me and only says or does things to make me feel bad. I dont know how much is the Alzheimers and how much is that he and I never had much of a connection and spent very little time together so he doesn't really have anything to talk about with me but ask how everyone else is, how much it cost for him to be there and how my mother died.
Meanwhile, my brother had spent lots of time with my dad, shared interests and work with him and since my father had supported my brother his whole life, my brother feels some responsibility to visit him more and look after him.
My brother is always telling me I should do more for my father and love him more and owe him things. This seems like he is trying to convince himself and force his own feelings on me. I've told my brother the only thing I owe my father is my love and respect. I don't owe him more visits than is warranted to ensure he is being taken care of (and don't really owe him that since it is your responsibility legally to do that). I don't owe him walks in the park or taking him to lunch or cutting his finger and toe nails. He didn't pay for my whole life and support my drug habit or let me live rent free or give me money everyday of my life. I have not gotten anything but a couple vehicles from my father (I mean actually two, my first and my current six year old used when I got it one which I paid for half, while my brother has had five and never paid for any of them) since I was about 12 years old. My father never really did anything for me, personally. Also, my parent's legal Trust put my brother in care of my parents for medical decisions and care even though somehow I still had to do all the work and arrange and make all the decisions when things went bad while my brother harassed my sick mom trying his hardest to get control of the finances or at least stil be paid money every day.
As for me, I don't really notice or check my father's finger or toe nails when I visit so wouldn't notice if they needed cutting most of the time. But when I did notice I'd bring some clippers the next time I visit and cut them. I'd also ask that the attendants at the living assistance facility where he lives would do it. I would never, not even think of, call my brother and ask him to do it.
Sorry for the length of this. Just venting.
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