worthless

This morning I woke up and was feeling fine, nothing particular to bring my spirits down.  On my way from the parking lot to my first class, I was overcome with the realization that I feel completely and utterly worthless.  I don't really know why, but I felt fairly certain of it.
I held the knife to my leg monday night, I wanted to cut more so than I needed to.  After a few seconds of just looking at it there, it just didn't feel right.  I wasn't upset or angry or feeling any sort of extreme emotion that required the draining, and it just wasn't worth it.  I'm still 12 weeks strong and counting as far as cutting goes.  I don't know how long I can keep it up, but I've heard that even if I relapse, the next time I start recovery again, it'll be easier to go just as long or longer.  I hope I can keep this up all the way through the holidays, because I know they're going to be depressing.. 

Replies

birdie123
birdie123

Sorry you\'re feeling bad. I think that many of us are dreading the holidays, they can be really lonely and depressing. Well done on not cutting - 12 weeks is huge. Maybe try and have a goal or reward in mind to prevent relapse? Take care