worrying about my future
I live off a meager salary from part time work at the market
and SSDI. I have my health insurance covered by the state as well.
I guess I am fanning the flames a little bit after my unorthodox weekend
of socializing with old highschool friends and also not having a therapy
session since last Tuesday. All those things and nothing scheduled for today
have mixed me up into kind of an up and down and anxious and moody place.
I'm worried about the pressure my family feels because of my own
financial and health state. They all have their lives to worry about..
I've been thinking that I need to find another job - one that will be self
sustaining and more lucrative than everything put together that I have now - but
I don't know how that would be possible. I am not going to be an agist
against myself (54) but I'm kind of tense and very much variable today
about this stuff.
I tend to think about needing to get the job - and then I don't take
the second step or the next step.
I'll bring it up tomorrow at my appointment.
I guess some humility and gratitude for the life that I do have
right now would help me to stay in the moment and also
think in terms of practicalities for the day.
Replies
Sending hugs until I can send longer response.
i'm 68 and raising 3 young kids on a retirement income. let me be equally ageist and declare that i am experienced and resourceful enough to figure it out? the money has a bizarre way of working itself out. should i add that i started with all the resources of a throwaway kid? there are many, many years of my life that just don't add up. how did i get by on that? the numbers just don't add up.
with that snottery in place, i'm wondering if you should get another job just to expand your horizons and channel that weird aggression you've been experiencing lately. just wondering in a not-mine-to-sort sort of way. let god lead the dance.
Thanks Arfie
Hola Mark,
You’re not alone. If you knew my whole situation or if I wrote it out you’d probably be like “girl! are you worried ???!!!!” :o
Anyways, sorry I had a rough weekend & trying to push outta dissociation a little weird I may be writing.
Tonight if you’re having a hard time with this try to be like Blue & live like a cat for a night, they are funny. Sometimes I’m buggin out & then look over at Baby & he’s chillin & I’m like I need some of that. I don’t know I can’t remember exactly how he said it but I thought it was cool, that guy Eckhart tolle, a while ago I was reading this thing he wrote that his whole life he’s lived with three zen masters & they have all been cats lol
Anyways I’ve lived in extreme poverty & also had moments of making pretty good money too (surprisingly you can make a lot of money being a bartender in NYC & Miami was second) but all that money is gone, I do not come from money either & rite now I’m sure people would consider me poor (but I do freak out because my injury stuff & all these other ects. & future & ahhhh!!!!)..... but life always can change in a second, sorry I’m not sure what I'm saying here, guess just drinking my coffee talkin to ya like I’m drinking a coffee with ya
So anyways Im sure I’m rambling & suggested you be a cat tonight :) lol so please take everything I say with a big grain of salt. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone
Sending support, hope & many prayers
Big hug <3
Thanks lil missy! You’re an Angel!!
Okay, I finished up work (mostly).
I like lilmissy’s suggestion of being a cat for the night! I have been in so many places mentally, financially, healthwise, careerwise over all the long years and it has been a rollercoaster. It can be hard to maintain one’s composure when comparing the lives of others who may not have had the periled and fraught with anxiety path of managing a mental illness on top of simply living life.
If you would have told me I’m in the position career-wise that I am now even just 3 years ago I would have shutthefrontdoor in someone’s face. Drive and determination and then doing all the therapy to fight through the obstacles and overcome…..
….but only what is manageable.
Only you know what you envision your path to look like and how you can get from Point A to Point B then C and D. My wish for you is a lot of peace and love and understanding.
There are people who walk this world who walk that walk and talk that talk and sincerely care, if you let them.
Your therapist encourages you to write. And you love to write. Maybe she can help you do some kind of writing therapy outside of this sort of place.
Pouring some virtual chamomile tea for you.
thanks so much Nikki! Have a good night and congrats on fighting the good fight today
at work.
Gnight mark and noogies.