Worried about Tony

Yes, I'm worried about Tony.  He appears to have lost his motivation for recovery.   I don't see the daily improvements I saw a month ago.  If anything, I see decline or dormancy.  Does he no longer care?  Does he think he can leave what his ill mind concieves as "well enough" alone & it will remain as such?  Does he think that I won't follow through w/ what I requested a couple months back: a divorce?  I feel used, unimportant, hurt, angry, & frustrated. I am working so hard every day on my well-being.  Some days I slide & forget to do abdominal breathing or something else that's meant to better myself.  But it feels like, as usual, I'm putting in most of the effort around here.  I understand he's now working 40+ hours a week.  As someone who works routinely over 45 hours each week then works at least another 5+ hours each week in online auctions, believe me, I empathize w/ working a lot.  But the point is I make it a priority to set aside time every day to devote to recovery.  Of course it may mean it will take longer for me to recover if I continue to work long hours, but at least I make the honest attempts.  I don't see Tony's emotional efforts anymore.  I see him continuing to have restless sleep, continuing to have miscellaneous aches & pains, continuing to have the same emotional issues, etc.  It's crystal clear what sorts of things he can do to help himself.   And that's because I've been doing a lot of reading to learn what I can do.  He has not.When I try to talk to him, I get brushed off.  "I will do insert-self-help-chore-here."  Then he goes back to his merry little procrastination, & I'm left even more frustrated.   When I try to share what I've learned w/ him, he makes me feel as if what I say is unimportant or as if I'm just a pain-in-the-ass nag.He asked me to put faith in him & be patient.  And damn myself, I was beginning to fall back in love with him.  But the faith is gone,  The patience has left.  And what began as warm, loving feelings returning to my heart are being replaced by coldness.   He gave it 1 month & then he let it start to slide.  I'm so exhaused of this endlessly tiring relationship.  I've spent 10 years working on it, & he had the gall the other month to ask me to not throw in the towel.  How long am I supposed to put up with this?  I really want to make my life better.  I've been trying for almost 20 years.  But I can't do that while he tries (albeit not purposely) to hold me back.   I'm sorry he was abused.  I'm sorry he was misdiagnosed w/ epilepsy.  I'm sorry his father is maturity-challenged & his mom has piss-poor judgment in men.  I'm sorry Tony squandered too much of his life on drugs.  But why does it seem that I have to keep paying for his bad childhood?  When he refuses for whatever excuse he chooses to apply to take responsibility for his past, current, & future life, it therefore falls to those around him to pick up the pieces.  Given that he's chosen to alienate most people, that means I have to try & keep myself together as well as follow him around w/ a pooper scooper.  I'm tired of that.  I don't have kids nor a dog for precisely the reason that I don't enjoy taking care of needy creatures.  Cats are rather self-reliant.  Feed 'em, scoop the litter box & then hang out w/ them.  When I got involved w/ Tony, I knew he was "damaged goods."  Cripes, most of my exes are.  Seems I've always had a thing for "charity cases."  *shrug* But being as Tony's 10 years my senior, I thought he'd be more mature.  In some ways he is.  But in other ways, he's not.  Ok, so now that I've gotten all that off my chest, what do I do?  I can't talk to him about it.  He'll give recovery lip service, make me wait another month, & then it's back here again.  Or maybe next time it will be 2 or 3 months.  But does that mean I should issue an ultimatum.  "If by insert-date-here you have not done x,y, & z w/ your life, I will file for divorce."  That also doesn't seem right.  Shall I just print out this journal entry & leave it for him to read when I'm at work?   I think I'll do the last option.  That way he can't complain that I didn't at least try to approach the topic w/ him.  And also then I don't have hear his legion of flimsy excuses.  I believed that getting this out on paper (or PC) would help alleviate some of the frustration & sadness I feel.  Instead I feel worse.  I didn't want to cut earlier today.  Now I do.  Really bad.   I suppose I'll go try some more relaxation techniques.  I am finding that my mind still races uncontrollably.  At least I see the doc tomorrow afternoon.  Maybe he can increase my meds another pill.  I think that will help slow the anxiety.