worried about finances

I was taking a break from services this morning and then errands in Frederick.

I was laying here with Blue and I felt out of control. I was trying to feel grounded

I tried to pull myself down from all sorts of insecurities.

'What am I really worried about?' I thought to myself.

I kind of let it sink in....and I realized I am worried about having enough money to get by.

(If just getting by is all I want is another subject matter.)

But I know I have my limited skill set and reliability, but just finding

this to be the truth of what I was worried about set me in motion to 

examine that I do have a regular income coming in every month.
I don't have debt and I have a nice chunk of savings (though not grand) 

but it's still a source of security. I was thinking about not really caring what people

thought about my life - but rather about thinking in terms of saving money when I can -

getting discounts when I can - and not being extravagant until I get a job - which would

help me in this department. Things are good. I feel motivated to look for work

and also perhaps strengthened. What I mean by strengthened is that the variability of my

personality- and the moments out in world (beyond my bedroom) seem to tell me negativity

I can't take on. I tend to be very open and cheerful - I need to put on a kind of decoder ring

and also worry about my own world vs....the world of each individual I come into contact with.