Workplace Dilemma
My co-worker is driving me nuts!!!!! I work in a small law firm as a legal secretary. When I started working there the women who had worked there before me had been there for ages. The particular lady I am about to vent about has worked there 30 years! The lack of professionalism in this office was the first thing I noticed having come from a VERY professinal environment. I tried to fit in and not make waves since this is a GOOD job and being a single Mom I need to hang onto it. They are very kid friendly and I have a lot of leeway...they let me stay home with my kids when they are sick or pick them up from dance lessons etc. But this woman is gonna kill me...I don't even know how to describe it. Well, she comes from a family of ten and has three children of her own. The sun sets and rises on her family. And how do I know you ask me? Because I never hear the end of it. I know what her 20-year-old son has for supper, what his grades are, what he is passing and failing in College. I know her 24 year old just bought a new house and every stage of his 2-year-old's life. I know her daughter just got pregnant and that will be the new subject of updates every morning. Not only does she tell me everything that goes on in her private life I hear it about 5 or 6 times a day as I sit right beside her (and believe me she does not have a quiet voice) while she tells her million sisters and brothers the same story she told me that mornign (some great saga about one of her wonderful children or grandchild) and then our other co-workers and then her boss and then the UPS man if he will listen. She spends more than half the day on the phone with her already grown children (who call contantly with questions like ... can you go make me a doctor's appointment or did you put that money in my bank account or can you do this for me? Do you know where my blue shirt is? What are we having for dinner?) and various relatives and friends she calls and who call her(by the way these are calls that I have to answer). I like this lady alright but I'm can't even get my work done because she is constantly talking to me or someone else on the phone or someone else in person. And since her children are all perfect and just living the American dream it's a bit pukifying. Not to mention no one else's family could possibly even measure up and even if you tried to tell her about them she doesn't have much interest in listening. I already feel like an alien in that office because I am not part of a great big happy family and has a husband who I have been married to for at least 100 years. I am trying to draw some boundaries. I want to be polite and not a bitch but I'm not sure how to maintain myself in there. It's like I can't get away from her (literally). I've been struggling with this for a while. I know nothing will change as she has been behaving in this matter for 30 years I doubt the boss is gonna turn things around now. So my solution has to be something I have to do differently. I just want to go to work and get my job done. I really don't want to know every detail of the amazing life of June Cleaver. Wow I sound bitter. Is there anywhere where I will fit in?
Replies
Wow, your coworker sounds really, really annoying. At my last job, I had a similiar situation. My coworker would talk non stop about ancestry. So weird.
She would tell you all about her great, great grandparents; where they were from, etc. WHO CARES? Then she would try to look up my heritiage. AGAIN, WHO CARES? I could care less. Anyway, she would just talk about it non stop and it was SO BORING to me. She was a really smart girl with a Masters Degree from an Ivy League University and I started to wonder if she had Asbergers (spelling?) because it was like she had no concept of how boring she was to other people. As if she could not pick up on social ques at all.
Anyone that would come to her desk for work reason, she would launch into a ancestry conversation, same with any phone calls she was on. I started to wear a head set because I could not take her constant drivel. So I would either bring in my iPod or load CDs into my pc and listen to music or sometimes even books on tape. I am not sure if that is an option for you?
I bet that you sit right outside of your bosses office and can not move desks, but that would be great if that was an option. I think I would go mad if I had to listen to that all day.
When my old co worker would start going on about nonsense, I would always say: Hey sorry, I am working on a project with a tight deadline for the senior leadership team. I am not sure if any of these suggestions help. I am sorry you are going thru this. Another person completley unaware of how their actions affect others.
Answer is to assert that you can not listen and make it about you to take the heat off such as... I am unable to pay attention to you and my work at hand.
Another way to work with this is crate boundaries through certain concentrated efforts to listen or just be an ear. Say, give her 5 minutes to talk and then say OK I have to get back to work now. I am not as fortunate as you to be able to chat and work at the same time...but the deal is... you have to produce a boundary asap or you will get angrier and angrier about it and then blame her for not knowing the boundary... which obviously she does not .
crating boundaries at first bug people but as you adhere to them they get used to them and finally it helps them determine where they stop and the other person starts.
If ya got tow people with out boundaries then it is a living hell.
When you assert a boundary you do yourself a favor and her as well. It is highly possible that she has worn every ones ears off and they already have done what you now have to do. something like that.
Good practice , that is what I say to myself when it is time to draw a line.