WORKING UP TO IT!
Tuesday Night: Okay..I am going to start opening Scott's bedroom door on Sat. I will have the next wk. off and figure that will be a good time as I will be cleaning, etc. and I won't have the stress of work. I loved so many of your replys to my last entry. (And all the others) Thank you. Whew! What a day!!! When I got to work this morning the teacher and our other para were into a very heated discussion. I went to get my "darlings" off the bus. I didn't really have time to talk to the teacher as she left at 1/2 day for a Dr. appt. So, I won't really know what transpired until tomorrow. This afternoon, MY special boy really socked me. He got mad and hit me several times, a couple of times on the head, before I could contain him. OUCH. He is not even 5 ft. tall and weighs 219. He is pretty strong! Anyway, it all worked out and he complied, finally, with my directive. I am so proud of him, though. His artwork will be exhibited at the Springfield Art Museum for the next couple of weeks. Opening night is Friday. He is so talented and his creation is beautiful! It will become the property of the school, forever on display, after the exhibition. It is an abstract of buildings and we named it T******'s Towers. It is a glimpse into his mind. I love it! Very peaceful. (Sorry about the astericks(sp?)..I have to keep confidentiality.) I adore this boy and since he is "glued" to my hip most of the time, I take pride in his accomplishments. Scott was approved for disability. It is bittersweet. Mostly bitter. This hearing would've taken place had he been alive. We would've finally been able to get him all the physical & drug rehab he needed. (I hate to even think I am profiting from his death! It SUCKS!) Now......I will pay some debt with this money. (Some of the debt was due to Scott) and also donate some money to Children's Miracle Network in his memory. (They helped a lot when he had his accident) I will also donate to the Cystic Fibrosis organization in Melissa's name. (Adam's girlfriend) My bill paying and donations will, of course, depend on the amount of payment. Three more day until Spring Break! But, who's counting?!?!?!
Replies
Good morning Ginger :)
I read your journal entry and couldn\'t help but to relate about your feelings with opening up your son\'s bedroom door! I to this day, almost nine years later, still have a hard time going through my son\'s things. Before I built up the courage to pack my son\'s things into plastic containers,(clear containers so that I could still see his things if I wanted to) I would go into his room, open up his dresser drawers and fumble through his little t-shirts only to bring them up to my face, close my eyes and take in the biggest, deepest breath ever! I guess I thought that by doing that I might feel like he was still here with me. It had taken many attempts to pack his things away, but then one day I was ready, as ready as I would ever be anyway. In my mind I would think that by packing my son\'s things up and putting them away, would somehow make him more distant from me, or cause me to forget about him...but, obviously that didn\'t happen...I haven\'t forgotten.
It\'s really nice to hear about your job and how it makes you happy and seems to keep you busy, I try to do the same thing and it usually works. My thing though, and I don\'t know if you feel the same, but what about the times when you are surrounded with silence? I never thought I would say this, but I can\'t stand it when it\'s silent in my house...at least that\'s how it is for me right now. My mind fills up with so much and the emotions run rampant...that\'s when it seems I miss my son the most.
Well, I hope this note finds you having a wonderful day today. Thanks for listening. :)
Kathy
Hi, sounds like you love the work you do - regardless of what the kids do to you - Ouch........I\'d be gearing up in protective wear.........(Smile) - how\'s your head? I know they don\'t mean to do what they do - but they can certainly loose control - please watch yourself - ok? The project sounds nice, keep us posted on how it all goes.
The weekend sounds like a good start to opening Scotts room - up - just go slow - don\'t traumatize yourself - or have a major setback - baby steps - always baby steps. Your plans to help others with the disability money shows how wonderful you are.........thinking of others - God will bless you for your kindness. Take care & keep us posted - always in my thoughts and prayers, love & hugs,
Sounds like a plan to me. If you find it too difficult shut the door, after all it\'s just a door. You kids at school sound like you could use a helmet lol, now there\'s a picture Mrs??, nice shirt and slacks, sensible flat shoes and a bike helmet, ready for work LOl You will make a difference with your donations and honor Scott as well, so nice. Have a safe couple of days and enjoy your time off. Love and hugs Cathy
Small step is how I handled it. Going into my daughters foom for brief periods. Eventually started taking out things here and there that had no special significance. Then when we were having out first grandson, I bit the bullet and cleaned it all out. One thing that helped was making a quilt out of some of her clothes that I remember her wearing at different times. Made it feel I was not just losing everything but creating something. Take care. Nanoe
I really admire your patience with your kids at school...you are exactly who needs to be doing that job! Bless you...Karen