Work Sucks
Day 84 of 365 - Man Break (Seriously it's been THIS long)
Day 1 of vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The count down is on until my summer vacation. Two weeks of pure heaven away from work. I promised myself that I would try to write on here more and maybe with more free time on vacation I can get a routine going.
So my co worker ratted me out to the boss. She tattletaled on me and whined and complained about how I told her she was too loud (which I never said to her but is true) and that she was making too many personal calls (which is also true but I didn’t tell her to stop I just told her I would appreciate it if she could do it elsewhere so I could concentrate on my work). Long story short I got called into the boss’s office and told to basically “patch things up” as the work place was too small for tension. I agreed.
So the next morning I go up to her and said that the boss had talked to me and we were to patch things up. I said maybe we should just put this behind us. Well because I didn’t get down on my knees and grovel and tell her how wrong I was she proceeded on starting to rant and rave about the whole issue again, telling me that I can’t tell her not to call her family because she is going to call her family whenever she wants....and as for her loud voice she said that is just the way she is and there was nothing she could do about it. Because I wouldn’t back down about her excessive personal calls she started telling me all the things I did wrong at the office etc. and so on. This of course was in front of two other co-workers which humiliated me to no end. Basically the idea of “patching things up” is disregarding her offensive and rude and selfish behavior and taking back all my complaints because she basically wants things her way. So I closed myself in my boss’s office and cried my heart out. After berating me for a while she expected things to be all solved and talked to me like I was her best friend not 10 minutes later. But I was having none of that. I was polite and kind but I did not elaborate on any of the conversations she tried to start and did not ask about her personal life. I want to make it clear to her that I will be polite and pleasant in our working relationship but have not interest in being her friend. How do I do that without her going to the boss again to tell her tales that she spins all in her favour.
P.S. Doing well with the man situation but there is still drama in my life!!!!!
Day 1 of vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The count down is on until my summer vacation. Two weeks of pure heaven away from work. I promised myself that I would try to write on here more and maybe with more free time on vacation I can get a routine going.
So my co worker ratted me out to the boss. She tattletaled on me and whined and complained about how I told her she was too loud (which I never said to her but is true) and that she was making too many personal calls (which is also true but I didn’t tell her to stop I just told her I would appreciate it if she could do it elsewhere so I could concentrate on my work). Long story short I got called into the boss’s office and told to basically “patch things up” as the work place was too small for tension. I agreed.
So the next morning I go up to her and said that the boss had talked to me and we were to patch things up. I said maybe we should just put this behind us. Well because I didn’t get down on my knees and grovel and tell her how wrong I was she proceeded on starting to rant and rave about the whole issue again, telling me that I can’t tell her not to call her family because she is going to call her family whenever she wants....and as for her loud voice she said that is just the way she is and there was nothing she could do about it. Because I wouldn’t back down about her excessive personal calls she started telling me all the things I did wrong at the office etc. and so on. This of course was in front of two other co-workers which humiliated me to no end. Basically the idea of “patching things up” is disregarding her offensive and rude and selfish behavior and taking back all my complaints because she basically wants things her way. So I closed myself in my boss’s office and cried my heart out. After berating me for a while she expected things to be all solved and talked to me like I was her best friend not 10 minutes later. But I was having none of that. I was polite and kind but I did not elaborate on any of the conversations she tried to start and did not ask about her personal life. I want to make it clear to her that I will be polite and pleasant in our working relationship but have not interest in being her friend. How do I do that without her going to the boss again to tell her tales that she spins all in her favour.
P.S. Doing well with the man situation but there is still drama in my life!!!!!
Replies
Just discuss work things with her and do not engage in personal talk. It sucks when you work in a small office and the tension is noticeable. I would suggest looking for another job but perhaps this is all about learning how to assert yourself so it may be best to stay put and try to work this out internally.
I just wrote this on Pageo journal and thought I would cut and paste here because it just dawn on me that I have spent my life trying to control and manipulate just about everybody. I thought it was just romantic parnters, but no, I do it with friends as well.
Today I let go of that roll and it felt great. Here is what went down in case it can help you with Loud Lois at work:
RE: Pageo worte: I am just real tired of being a reaction to other peoples bull shit, their anger and control issues END PAGEO
I had that experience today. I have a friend that is very controlling. I have written about her before. Anyway, last week we met for a movie and she was very late (which is very normal for her)
The movie was at 7:30 and 3 of us were to meet at 7:15. At 7:20 I called her to tell her that 2 of us had tickets and were going inside and that there was a very long line. She asked me to save her a seat if I could.
After the movie, she said I should have bought her ticket and waited outside in the heat to give it to her.
I told her she should have been on time. WTF? Why do I have to inconvenience myself because she has time management issues?
Then today (Sunday) we were meeting a group to watch the World Cup Finals. The people wanted to get there early to find a seat. She refused saying she was not going to just sit there (everything is about her, she does not seem to factor in consideration).
I said I did not think it was fair for one guy try to hold 12 seats and that I was going at the right time.
Long story long, I had a great seat and by the time she got to the bar it was so crowded she could not even get to the seats. She left me like 5 messages but I did not hear the phone over the crowd.
It was so freeing not to play her game. It was awesome both times. Normally I would have gotten mad and reacted. This time I was like: I am doing what I said, and I won\'t get mixed up with your control issues.
This is the plan, you can either conform to it or miss out which she did both times. First she missed the beginning of a movie and then she missed on watching the WC all together. It was a really freeing moment for me. Before I would have been frantic trying to control her to get to the game on time. Today I was: Your life, your business. do what you want. I liked it al whole lot better.
I have made a decision that I do dnot wish to be in relationships where I need to control and manipulate others and that means freindships as well as romantic relationships.
Good for you Susy. That sounds like a very powerful way of being and something good to instill in your life. I too have tried to control by bailing people out and feeling sorry for them when they make mistakes. Its true a lot less energy would be used to control our actions instead of theirs (because truly we can\'t). This is what I think I will do at work. My coworker wants everything her way. When she acts a certain way to me she expects me to just ignore that and be who she wants me to be. I will not do it. There is no rule that says you have to be best friends with your coworkers and share all the details of your life. After my vacation I have decided to make it very clear to her that I want a working relationship only. Not by my words but by my actions. When I don\'t react to her it will help me:)
this sounds VERY FAMILIAR to me! i have been controlled by EVERYONE at some point in my life! NO MORE! it\'s empowering to just fully be yourself whether someone likes it or not. it\'s nice to live for ME lately and basically screw the others! i hope things go better at work and just keep it on the surface with that girl! good luck!
Susy, It sounds more like your friend is trying to control you. On the other hand you are trying to please and accommodate her. So, she is the controller and you are the pleaser. That is how i read that. BUT... Pleasing others is a control feature as well. Thinking that you can make some one feel content when it is his/her responsibility to do that.