Woops
I made the mistake of opening a flash drive. It has photos of me and the misses. Now I am weepy and sad. I miss the joy in her heart, the joy of her smile and the happiness we shared for many years. Why would Our Lord take away the one person that contributed so much to my life? It makes no damned sense. I see criminals who are serving time that got a better deal in life than she did.
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Unfortunately I think you must file this under something i think Yard Eggs did comment on another post-- NFF (no f$@#ing fair) There sometimes is no rhyme or reason. After reading some more of your posts, I did come to see that your sweet Maria did have an awful lot thrown at her, yet she continued to battle through and hang on. With all of her health issues, she still found that bright spot and did know what is was like to be loved and cherished. I truly believe you and your love and support did give her that strength and courage to continue on. (and not want to let go. . But I think maybe God did feel she had suffered enough and was time to take her home where she no longer would have to deal with pain.)
It is always harder for those of us left behind. Bare in mind, with all that she did have to deal with, YOU were something far better than any thing that may have come the way of those who still don't see the light. She called you her angel-- and you were, Just as she is yours. I know it is hard and so easy to get swept up in sadness and memories. So check out those photos--- but then step outside and see that sunny day. Feel her smiling down on you and that warmth trying to help you lighten up your day. (She would not want you to waste away) You mentioned staying with friends with a little one. Try to see all that he (or she) have yet to look forward to (as well as your own grandkids) I was never blessed with any little ones, but they do hold a very special place in my heart . Children and animals do love us unconditionally and can sometimes give us a brighter outlook (or at least help take away those tears) Let them help guide you through this.
Love and hugs
I am so proud of her. The struggle for her was terribly difficult, but my sweet angel fought so bravely. I still hear her saying to me "I love you, I love you, I love you." She always said that phrase in 3's. She especially said it when I would be sick or exhausted. She is absolutely the bravest person I have ever met or have had the priviledge of loving and having in my life.