WOO HOO!
Three days pull-free. And the kicker? I stopped taking my meds (I know, I know, but I have a good excuse).
Last week I came down with a horrible stomach flu, and couldn't keep water down, much less meds. So I just stopped taking them. And then realized yesterday that I hadn't taken any in five days after getting out of the habit... and despite this, I hadn't pulled. I've kept my hands away from my head and face, and it feels soooooo gooooood. :)
I'd also like to send a shout out to sammie for her post about abandonment, because it made me start crying. Which I think is a good thing. I never realized before how really, truly lonely I felt sometimes - a lot of it I used to think was my own fault (which it was, in a way) because I couldn't stop pulling out my hair and was a 'freak,' one of my favorite terms of self-derision over the years.
But I'm not alone. At least, no more than everybody else in the world is. Even if my friends aren't perfect and can't always be there for me, they love me. As evidenced by my friend Alex who made a CVS run for me to pick up gatorade and crackers and then hung out with me for two hours even though I was puking. :) Truly, everyone has their own issues. And I think a lot of the feelings of being alone that I have - well, it's not that they're my fault or it's wrong to feel lonely sometimes. But I think I just didn't understand that everyone hurts, that we all have our problems, and that part of being human is accepting the fact that there will be times when we are in pain and feel alone.
However. It's all about perspective. I think trichsters are good at sensing how other people perceive them (we all know that feeling when people are about to ask us about our missing hair), but sometimes we lose sight of the fact that other things - maybe having an eating disorder, for instance - can be equally painful for others. People with anorexia probably feel like a freak just as much as I do, even if society recognizes their illness as more 'normal.' I almost feel like I have hair anorexia, sometimes; I'm the only one who sees and feels my 'bad' hairs and roots that need to come out to be perfect. Anorexics are the only ones who see and feel the fat that they think needs to come off their bodies. It's a stretch, I know, but it's a way of empathizing with other people that's really been helping me recently.
Maybe the next time I feel like pulling, I'll just give someone a hug instead. I think instead of withdrawing, I need to seek people out and reinforce that they love me and that I'm not alone. Although really, doesn't everyone need a little more love? :) Good vibes to everyone today!
Last week I came down with a horrible stomach flu, and couldn't keep water down, much less meds. So I just stopped taking them. And then realized yesterday that I hadn't taken any in five days after getting out of the habit... and despite this, I hadn't pulled. I've kept my hands away from my head and face, and it feels soooooo gooooood. :)
I'd also like to send a shout out to sammie for her post about abandonment, because it made me start crying. Which I think is a good thing. I never realized before how really, truly lonely I felt sometimes - a lot of it I used to think was my own fault (which it was, in a way) because I couldn't stop pulling out my hair and was a 'freak,' one of my favorite terms of self-derision over the years.
But I'm not alone. At least, no more than everybody else in the world is. Even if my friends aren't perfect and can't always be there for me, they love me. As evidenced by my friend Alex who made a CVS run for me to pick up gatorade and crackers and then hung out with me for two hours even though I was puking. :) Truly, everyone has their own issues. And I think a lot of the feelings of being alone that I have - well, it's not that they're my fault or it's wrong to feel lonely sometimes. But I think I just didn't understand that everyone hurts, that we all have our problems, and that part of being human is accepting the fact that there will be times when we are in pain and feel alone.
However. It's all about perspective. I think trichsters are good at sensing how other people perceive them (we all know that feeling when people are about to ask us about our missing hair), but sometimes we lose sight of the fact that other things - maybe having an eating disorder, for instance - can be equally painful for others. People with anorexia probably feel like a freak just as much as I do, even if society recognizes their illness as more 'normal.' I almost feel like I have hair anorexia, sometimes; I'm the only one who sees and feels my 'bad' hairs and roots that need to come out to be perfect. Anorexics are the only ones who see and feel the fat that they think needs to come off their bodies. It's a stretch, I know, but it's a way of empathizing with other people that's really been helping me recently.
Maybe the next time I feel like pulling, I'll just give someone a hug instead. I think instead of withdrawing, I need to seek people out and reinforce that they love me and that I'm not alone. Although really, doesn't everyone need a little more love? :) Good vibes to everyone today!
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