Wonder

On Monday I will be returning to school, only one class on Mondays and Wednesdays and three on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Tuesday Chi leaves for Vietnam for three months. I think that it will be good for dad and I. Next Friday we are going to Durango to see Luke and pick up his older car for me to use. Now I need to find a job because the cost of a car is phenomenal. Though, I am grateful that I may soon have a car to use. Chi and dad got into a major fight last night and I think dad slept on the lounge chair in the living room. I couldn't fall asleep until after 2am. Tonight I am going to bed early to try to rewind my clock before school.
 
I am excited to see my brother and see what he is up to there in Durango. He is getting so successful! and I am so proud of him, I am only scared that if I were to commit suicide I would break him down into depression or grief. I would only want my suicide to be a sign of help rather than something to sulk over. I know that I would hurt my family more than anyone if I were to commit suicide. Yet the thought still swims in my mind and I can't get rid of it.
 
I've got to go to bed.
 
Goodnight moon.