Won't be here for a while.

I am tired of this feeling. It's not getting any better. I feel like I will always feel this way for the rest of my life. I am really depressed and I just wish I wasn't. It feels like there's 2 sides of me tugging at each of my arms. One of them wants me to be happy and the other one wants me to be miserable. I feel like no one tries to understand why I'm like this. They all just leave me or just don't care. There's always a pressure in my chest and it hurts all the time from all the sadness and anger I have. I feel angry, sad, lost, and scared all the time and try to keep myself busy all the time so I won't think of it. But, it's really hard to do that. My body is straining from all this physical and emotional stress everyday and I feel like I'm dying all the time. I already feel dead most of the time. Like I'm just some empty space walking around. I fell like I can't control any part of me. Not even the things I can control. No one wants me to be around them anymore. I never wanted to be around myself in the first place. I might not be seen again. I don't know what will happen to me. I just need to beat myself up and punch myself more these next few weeks. I don't know what might happen.