with the holidays upon us

....with the holidays upon us.... and last night's first party of the season all said and done,

I find myself questioning, wondering and trying to find appreciation for the spirit of the season.

All the significance and poignancy that comes to mind during this time of year unavoidably

have me looking at my life in a global way - circumspect in a vast, broad brushing way - wishing certain things were different, questioning my significance and value - but I think coming back at those questions

with APPRECIATION and GRATITUDE may be more in order. I think it may be a common

thing to look back and or wonder about our lives during these times...what we've achieved and maybe

what we haven't, what's come to pass, who we are ...and maybe that's a productive good

thing in a philosophical and healthy way for galvinizing new efforts. At times I have been

more able to focus on the cheery side of the holidays but I think right now with the sober feelings

I am having, I think I'll 'push back' and CHOOSE to take the path of rejection for my

ambivalent feelings about myself and take ownership of them too. Choosing maybe a sense of humor for my 
Fred Flintson life and maybe to decide to do something of value instead of moping in order to 

prove my metal - if not to anyone except myself. So I'll look for something where I can be

of service to others here in my local community.....yesterday I went to a party.... but perhaps

before Christmas and New Year's arrive, I can find some opportunity to help others as well.

I can appreciate my individual life, and not feel powerless to change my inner critic which looks

at all the faults in the mirror, and choose to offer the world the best I can muster in the way that

I can. :-)

Peace and Happy Holidays,

Mark