Wishing I were normal
My challenge makes it very difficult to have relationships. But I'm starting to think that just continuing to keep things in the perspective of taking care and considering the feelings of the other person or cat is something that will help me exist in relation ( kind of in a mine and yours frame) When my need becomes subjective, that's when I get into trouble and tend to put people or cats off.
I'm at work now waiting for it to start.
I hope you guys have a good day, keep on keeping on.
Replies
have a great day Mark!
Thanks Becky!! Have a great day!!!
welcome to normieville, markus freakasaurus. difficulty with relationships is as normal as normal gets. relationships are **simply** difficult.
The struggle you are feeling when trying to form and navigate relationships is very common and not limited to your particular situation. Arfie is correct that relationships can be difficult. This is especially true in the beginning, when you're trying to get to know someone. Personally, I've found that relationships get easier with time, because you learn how to adjust to communication styles, accommodate differences, etc.. I once heard it said that the beginning of a relationship (both platonic and romantic) is similar to the launch of a spacecraft. A rocket burns up most of its fuel just trying to get out of the Earth's atmosphere and break free from the pull of gravity. Once it's in orbit, it travels a long way, while using very little energy. Once you've established a relationship, *assuming it's a healthy one*, it will no longer feel like effort or hard work (at least in my experience). I would encourage you to continue developing your friendships on DS as practice for the close, in-person relationship that you are longing to have. Your friends and therapist can help you determine whether there are better ways for you to communicate that may help you reach that goal.
“Normal is an illusion. What is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly.”
-Charles Addams
You mention wishing that you were "normal." Personally, I don't believe there is such a thing as normal. Every person has his/her own individual set of circumstances. What may be considered normal for one may be viewed as inane by someone else. In believing that we are somehow not normal, we set ourselves up for failure. This is especially true for those of us who have mental illness. We radiate what we feel about ourselves to other people, and perhaps there is an element of unintentional, unconscious self-sabotage going on when you are attempting to form relationships. I respectfully suggest that it's more accurate for you to say that you have unique characteristics that make you "you."
Hugs.
Thanks Arfie and Ladybug!