Wishing I wasn't so pathetic

My entire life, i have always been a loner, and on the outside I pretended like it was what I wanted, but in truth, it killed me.  I wanted people to like me, but i was always such a loser that no one did.  I wish life was different now...but its not.  I survived my younger years because I found people online that would write stories with me, and even if that was all they did, at least i didn't feel alone.  Now, I have no one to write with, and I have no one outside of my husband and family to spend time with.  Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and family, but some days, especially nights at work when it is really slow, and I end up spending 7 hours here alone, i realize how lonely i really am.  My husband calls me on his breaks, because we work the same shifts, but he can't text during his work, which i completely understand.

I know that this sounds pathetic, and the loneliness got worse after my dad died.  I try to make friends, but I feel like everyone just pity's me, hard to be the awesome friend when you are poor.  well...whatever...such is my life.