Wishing I could Forget
I've been alone all weekend long including today, ever since my wife left me I've been living with my parents but this past weekend they took off out of town to take my father to the doctor and my brother worked all weekend long so I was left alone all day for 3 days. I really hate the sadness that overpowers me when I'm by myself, I sat and played my guitar today which did help me keep my focus off of "her". There's only so much plucking that I can do before my fingers start to hurt. I've been sitting here for the past couple of hours and reflecting on the 8 years that we were together, I can say that there were good times but with all that she has done and all the lies she has fed me since she left, I feel that the whole marriage was a sham, all of it an illusion. So many tears that I have shed for a woman so cold, so many tears have I wiped from my eyes for a woman so deceiving, how many sleepless nights must I endure before the pain and the heartache subside, how many times must I wake with tear filled eyes, and how can I remain strong when the woman I loved has robbed me of the joys of being a father. All I want is to forget, to forget about ever having met her, to forget that we ever had a relationship, to forget it all as time skipped over me. I would rather live with no memory of the past if it would take away all this pain, sometimes I think that maybe if I would never have loved then I could have escaped this great tragedy. Love, pain, heartache, loneliness, I would gladly give it all away so I could no longer feel this way. How much pain can man take before he self implodes.
Replies
You can take a lot my man. Trust me. It is temporary. You will be okay. We\'ll be okay. It\'s rough. It hurts so bad - know. But you will come out the other side of this. You will be stronger. And you will be a better man for it. And if fatherhood graces you, you\'ll be a better father for it as well. Keep on playing - I know I\'ve played till my fingers felt blistered. And as difficult as it is, work on doing those things that you enjoy that help you feel like you again. Playing your guitar is great - any other things? What kind of music do you play?
I\'ve had the same questions, and more Rudy. What you and most of us have been going through is really rough stuff, and sadly as much as I want to be capable of giving you answers, I don\'t have the answers to the questions you seek. I can only give you what I\'ve personally experienced up to this point.
I know for me, it took me 3 weeks to get a full night\'s sleep, and for the first week at my parents, I didn\'t sleep at all. It took me about a month or so to stop crying myself to sleep, or waking up and crying because the bed was empty. I still struggle with the remaining strong part. It has been told to me that I need to live for myself, and focus on making myself happy first.
I don\'t know how your wife treated you, but I do know mine put me down, and treated me like trash. She controlled me, used me, and then discarded me. If any of this hits home for you, then my suggestion would be to focus on you. You deserve to be happy, even without her. Sadly though, the pain, it isn\'t going to go away anytime soon. I\'m at month 3 as of yesterday, and I\'m still in a lot of pain. There will be glimmers of light, and there will be sadness and despair.
I know that you would rather forget it all, but sadly love hurts, and from what I\'m told by everyone here, my family, and my friends, is that it is worth it. Reach out to others for help, if you are capable to see someone professionally, it might also help. We are here for you though Rudy, and you can personally message me anytime. I like talking about this stuff, it helps me cope.
Tesinato
Got to find some other things to do that don\'t involve thinking about her Rudy. Fill up your days with other people and things to do, and it will help you not dwell. I think I rememeber you saying you would be going to a counsellor - good move too, they can give you some ideas on how to cope.
And obviously keep talking to this community - we\'re here for you.
Thanks for the words guys!
Dburney I just started playing guitar but I enjoy rock or classic rock
I\'m with Tesinato - talking about it helps me cope as well. Anytime you need to vent, just hit me up. Take care man.