Will things ever get better?
Between my wife and I things have been rough for a long time.
She has some issues of her own that I feel she takes out on me (and sometime the kids) just because I'm the closest target.
I have been her verbal punching bag for years and I am tough enough to not be permanantly scared by it.
I wish I could help her be more happy in the long run but she is not willing to admit that her unhappiness is any fault of own and she wont really have a serious conversation about it. If we have a conversation it usually turns in to 'my life is hell because of you'
I do love her unconditionally and that is probably the only reason I have not given up and moved on.
She will not talk to a therapist of any kind. She does still spend a lot of time at home on her own laying in bed watching Netflix or talking on the phone to her mother / grandmother / aunt.
She doesn't have any close friends. She doesn't ever go out for a girls night out or anything like that.
We do go out to the store together. We go to local events as a family.
She doesnt trust anyone who is not family to watch our kids.
She doesn't want anyone in our family to watch our kids because they she feels like that person will always feel like we owe them because they watched our 4 kids.
So obviously we don't have any romance... no date nights, no intamate time (and when we do it is rushed and not very intamate), and the only vacations we would ever take are family vacations.
Our children are 15, 13, 7, and 5. 3 girls, and then the last one was a boy.
So you can imaging how hard everything with their commitments and keeping up with everything.
I feel like things will never really ever get much better.
Luckily I am not the type of person to end my own life or even leave everything behind.
I just keep fighting through this day by day but it is really breaking me down.
Replies
It's very hard when someone refuses to admit there's a problem or speak to someone (counselor, pastor, or even a friend who can help point her toward getting help) You mentioned her talking to her mom, grandmother, aunt. Could they possibly reach out to help her (or are they also in unhealthy, negative , depressed states as well?)
Depression and isolation is the worst possible thing (I recently had a struggle myself, but I am finding my way back out...again.) All the negative crap and thoughts festering in your head does nothing but bring you further into that feeling of hopelessness.. I am wondering if the kids are still active in outside stuff? Do you take any time to do something just for you? (Have you or the kids talked to a therapist / counselor?) I hate to see you all isolated and cut off from everyone..
You mentioned doing things as a family. What if she and the teens got pizza and a movie and did their own thing (kind of bonding for them, plus giving her a break from feeling in charge of all the kids) Plus that would give you some fun time with the younger ones as well (another movie or something they want to do with Dad) I don't know if it would help, but just an idea.
I wish you all the best and hope that you continue to find the strength to do what you need to for you and your kids (until she is ready to do the same.)