Will it ever get easier?
Its 14 weeks now since I lost the love of my life. Last week I had an ok week, I really thought I was doing good and was coming through this. Then BAM!!! this weekend arrived and I've been a total mess since. I feel like I'm back to square one again. Alls I've done is cry, I just feel so alone and the only person who could make me feel better is him. I just want a big hug off him and him to tell me everything will be ok. The longest I ever went the whole time I knew him without seeing him was about two weeks but we'd still be in contact, texting, talking etc. 14 weeks without any sort of contact is too long and I think its really just hit home that he is never coming back. I hate it. I miss him so much and it really hurts. I don't know how to function without him.
I keep wishing in a way we'd just broken up. surely that would be easier. I know he was ok for one and we'd have fallen out of love, I'm still so in love with him and I always will be. At least if we broke up I wouldn't feel guilty about laughing or going out and having fun. I could go out with my friends, bitch about him and just think screw him, there's someone else for me. But I can't do any of that. I can't say one bad word about him and he was the one for me, I found my soulmate. He was perfect for me. I've been out a few times with my friends and his friends and family but I just always end up sobbing by the end of the night. Its my friends birthday the weekend after next and they're planning a big girls night out. I'm so scared to go, I feel guilty for starters going out having fun and acting like everything is ok. I don't want them to feel they have to look after me as the chances are I'll end the night in tears again and I don't want to ruin their night but then I know he would not want me sat at home alone again watching X Factor.
I'm just feel totally fed up and pathetic now. Its 14 weeks and I'm still no further along, I'm still crying everyday and I feel as though this weekend I've taken a step backwards. I need to sort myself out but I don't know how. He was the one who would pick me up when I was down and now I've lost him. He is the only person who can make me feel better so what do I do? Everyone keeps saying times a great healer but so far every day is harder without him. I just really hope it does get easier soon.
I keep wishing in a way we'd just broken up. surely that would be easier. I know he was ok for one and we'd have fallen out of love, I'm still so in love with him and I always will be. At least if we broke up I wouldn't feel guilty about laughing or going out and having fun. I could go out with my friends, bitch about him and just think screw him, there's someone else for me. But I can't do any of that. I can't say one bad word about him and he was the one for me, I found my soulmate. He was perfect for me. I've been out a few times with my friends and his friends and family but I just always end up sobbing by the end of the night. Its my friends birthday the weekend after next and they're planning a big girls night out. I'm so scared to go, I feel guilty for starters going out having fun and acting like everything is ok. I don't want them to feel they have to look after me as the chances are I'll end the night in tears again and I don't want to ruin their night but then I know he would not want me sat at home alone again watching X Factor.
I'm just feel totally fed up and pathetic now. Its 14 weeks and I'm still no further along, I'm still crying everyday and I feel as though this weekend I've taken a step backwards. I need to sort myself out but I don't know how. He was the one who would pick me up when I was down and now I've lost him. He is the only person who can make me feel better so what do I do? Everyone keeps saying times a great healer but so far every day is harder without him. I just really hope it does get easier soon.
Replies
I\'m so sorry. I\'m not far enough along in my situation to know if it gets better. I hope and imagine that it will. A woman from the dean\'s office at school stopped me today and started telling me she was so sad and sorry for me and asking how long Alex and I were together...it made me feel so weak and tiny. Hang in there, Rachel, there has to be better days ahead. Take care.
Thank you. Ii\'m sure it is still so fresh and raw in your mind you don\'t know what to expect, the first few weeks after Matt died are just a total blur to me. I just felt like I was picking myself up a bit and now I\'m right back down again but I suppose there\'s always going to be good and bad times, just have to get used to it. Its horrible having to relive it over and over again isn\'t it? Sometimes I wish people just wouldn\'t ask but then its shows they care and are thinking about you. I really hope it does get easier for us both in time. I hope you\'re doing OK. Take care