Will I or won\'t I?

   Things have been going okay, but I had gotten to the end of the time I'm supposed to be using the patch (the Rx calls for using it for a month). In an attempt to ward off the Bad Episodes, I used it for one month and 3days. I took the last one off early this morning, and don't plan to put another one on for at least a few days OR if I start feeling Bad, whichever comes first. My gyn approves of this, since by not being on the HRT 24/7, I lower my dependency on it.   However, I've been extremely nervous and worried, because the patch isn't like an aspirin where you develop symptoms, take the med, then twenty minutes later you feel better. Once I sense the onset of symptoms, the patch doesn't take effect for at least 12 hours (often closer to 24-48), so even after reapplying the patch, I'll be going through more Hell. And my symptoms are so severe and difficult that experiencing even a short episode is not just a little bump in the road (read all my past entries).    The physical hell notwithstanding, I really miss my 9 yr-old. When I'm menopausal, I can't tolerate her; her vivaciousness, her precociousness, her natural tendencies toward loud noises and wild activity, her talking, and her nine-year-oldness. It's very sad. She's growing up, and this damn menopause is making me stay in bed, sometimes for days, and missing her childhood. (I know, I know; a lot of you are reminding me that this is not happening ALL the time, that I'm not missing ALL her childhood, that there are working mothers who spend even less time with their kids than I do....intellectually I know all that. But what mother out there wouldn't like to spend more quality time with their kid -especially if you only have the one? And having to go to work each day is different than laying in bed wishing your kid would stop making that racket and go away).   Oh, and then one hour after I removed the patch, I had a seizure. Did one produce the other? Who knows. But I had to spend the morning in bed recovering from that.   Will keep you posted on how long it takes for the symptoms to start up again. Hopefully, I'll catch them in time before they get too bad. But I remind myself that I DID have that two-week stint where I went patchless and was fine (we were camping the first week, so I was out of the house. Coincidence?)   So I shall hang in there. Wish me luck, as I wish luck to you.