wiggle your ears.

...or not.  love you.  hope you had a good day.......i bought myself a sexy new Christmas tire for the Geezermobile.  yup, you guessed it......in basic black.  very hot, slimming......makes ol Geez look sooooo good. wonder if there is a dating site for senior cars?  what would that be called. and what kind of car would find my wheels attractive, maybe my car's dating website catch phrase could be "hey, you wanna kick my tires????"

what would that ad say?  let's see not Geezermobile, but Silver Fox with a sexy new Christmas Tire wants to race you to the corner?  Wants to meet you at the corner of Vroom vroom and Go Baby Go?

silly sparrow.  lots of stuff going on in my bwain tonight.  it's chilly.....brrr.  bruce came by to blow leaves off the driveway.....so nice to actually see the CONCRETE.  if i haven't mentioned it my home is surrounded by GINORMOUS old oak trees and they leave their leaves EVERYWHERE!  just like kids and toys....seriously.  sheewhiz.

so i get back from my errand and there stands Bruce.  he doesn't look right......then i hear him speak.  uh oh, he is sick.  got a whopper of somethin' or other brewing......and in the middle of it all his gas powered leaf blower conked out.  i sent him home.  poor Bruce.  he's such a good guy......and yes, a total guy.  he tells me the reason that he's sick is that his wife got up in the middle of last night and turned on the ceiling fan.  this is the first stage in men getting sick.....full on denial.  i feel bad for him......he swears he will be back tomorrow to finish......i tell him not to come, not to worry, to get well.  i hand him a tub of my famous homemade sausage balls to take to go.....and he makes the bad face.  the oh my G---, no food, please.......says i don't want food, i just want a bed.  his wife's ceiling fan antics have given him the flu but he cannot face it. i feel for him......denial is a tough place to be for anyone.

so let's see i screwed up, i didn't stop taking one of my meds in time so there i was all prepped and ready to have the endoscopy when the lady realized i just stopped taking it yesterday.  in no way did i try to hide this. it all made sense in my mind based on what i went through..... i asked if i needed to stop taking it when i booked the procedure appt.  then again when the prep person called mid last week to tell me what i can eat on Sunday.....low sodium chicken broth (blechhhhh!) and any jello that doesn't have red or blue in it.  coloring that is.  not crayons.  they both said no.  as in NO. 

so um hummmmm, the doctor was mad, gave me what for......I didn't try to do this.....I really thought I had done all the things i was supposed to do. i don't try to waste the time of a facility, it's staff, the doctor, my son(his primary day off) or myself.  to boot i am dogsick, wonky brained.....miserable from not eating and having a reflux attack since i couldn't take my reflux prescipt that morning......so after he yelled at me and called me an idiot in that veiled snotty arrogant conceited DEVIL like doctor way......i fussed back at him, insisted on an apology........got quiet and waited to see who would blink first.  he did.........he apologised.

not very well, but i have had to hold my own as a mother many times and despite his rudeness he is still just a tall skinny boy who thinks he knows it all ever since he got his doctor plaque.  yup, still mad at him. my son was FURIOUS at this doctor.  at one point the doc said the prep person is just a secretary and can't be held accountable for this medicine issue and that tore it with Sam.  he said, oh no, uh uh, you either empower this employee or you empower someone with medical training to do these pre procedural prep calls.......this would have been handled well in advance if you guys were set up correctly........it was quite the battle there for a bit.  my son is a good guy and he wasn't having it with this mean rude conceited horses arse.  there i said it........hah!  feels like i just let the bad air out of my lungs.  much better!

we had a sit down consult with the doctor's assistant......bless her heart.  i kept thinking that if i worked for him there would have been a Skinny & Sweet Box filled with rat poison conveniently located next to his favorite coffee mug. (this idea is stolen from the Movie 9 to 5 with Dolly Parton, Lilly Tomlin and Jane Fonda)..ever see it, this doctor reminded me of their sexist egomaniacal boss

still letting off steam.....the turd, the nerve of that guy......still venting here.  lol.......at first i thought ok, regroup, reschedule the appointment with one of their other doctors and this time i'll try a lady doctor on staff. 

but now i think no.......wait, regroup and try again in 2017. decision made.  phew.  good.  i already cancelled the procedure for the first week in january. 

ummmm my thinkerator is trying to see where things stand........i got semi sweet chocolate chips today to make some cowboy cookies.  hope i can find my recipe.....and if not hope the internet has MY recipe not some other persons relatives recipe, cause I need MINE>.....lollllll

----got some white chocolate truffles plus some of those round yummy hazelnut thingies.  what are they called.....they are wrapped in gold foil and sit on brown candy wrappers (shapped like little cupcake or muffin wrappers) ok, i give up, no name comes to mind....they are the bomb.  to that end i plan to make cookie dough & just bake away at some point --- then take some to the neighbors --- give some to the kids.  it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.......the decorated tree and all the other decorations really help....plus i keep popping in Christmas music........everything from El Divo to Bing Crosby.......makes me wanna twirl in my chair ya know????

the savannah trip plans changed.....they decided they would need to drive back on Sunday.  it's a 6-7 hours car ride each way.....plus all my potty breaks, i'm like a cat with the world's tiniest bladder.....i have to mark my proverbial territory every 100 miles or so......tmi??? prolly....giggling here.

after laundry, packing....organizing what to take.....the car trip......well that would pretty much be it......i would see savannah from the view outside the beach cottage......which is still pretty wonderful....to see a different view and an ocean view at that.....maybe get to do one activity with them and then back in the car?  mercy i miss health sometimes. not like i used to, but there is still more grief left in me......that trip sounded like an amazing plan.  instead we have a new plan...ruth and her hubby will come here with delicious containers of chinese food........we'll have a feast and gab till out tongues fall out --- roll through the front door and into the woods. 

after that i will sleep for a week........tah dah! toiling over making a decision was misery,  making a decison is a harbinger of joy. 

tomorrow is the consult for the upper cervical mri of it all......we'll see, check in to do paperwork is at 1:30....appt at 2pm.  also have to gas up the geezzzz, pick up meds.  ohhhh you will be so proud of me.  i have wrangled & wringled the math of the medication dollars and have FINALLY gotten it down to just under $70 for a three month supply. 

in july of this year my meds cost HUNDREDS of dollars......and i just couldn't take it anymore.  knowing that i could die with the gnarled old scrooge hands of credit card companies pulling my dead and buried old bones out of some cemetary to get what they is owed.......!!!!!  that would not be pleasant & relatively creepy now that i read what i just typed.........glad i got the numbers knocked down, now to pray lots and lots that my body can take these other meds......and not have a crazy hypersensitive freak out that causes bad reactions. 

that was really negative sorry........this morning i realized i was carrying a lot of stress, anger, tension and fear.  i prayed out loud, which for me is a real tell.  praying in my head buffers my emotions.....i wanted to see where i was at on the freak out meter......i was crying as i prayed, so i asked for forgiveness.....for not turning to Him sooner, for not sharing my worries with say my son for example, despite the fact that he is 36 doesn't mean he isn't still my child.  i don't want to lay financial worries on top of the worries he carries about my health........but there is a time we all need to talk to someone. 

after talking to God last week i let it all out with the rep at the credit card company....see i finally figured out where i had gone wrong......i had been making not double payments monthly since July....oh no.....I actually made triple the dollar amount from what i used to pay.  i had meant to increase how much i was paying but this was a huge internal screw up.....if i worked for me i would fire me & sentence me to idiot lockdown.

but this is what is really gonna happen.........the rep put in a request to get back all of the overpayments......they have approved it and i should have those funds by the end of this month. 

so what is the good in this?  well, i wasn't robbed...hacked......that sort of thing.  i accidentally did this all by myself but luckily i caught it before i went flat broke.......so that is another good thing.  it will all work out --- it renews the belief that i need to turn it all over to God.  that i need to quit holding onto these worries all by myself. see i've prided myself on being independent. managing my budget pretty well.......doing ok.....but this situation went on for months before i caught it.  the power of brain fog is no small thing........when i realized what i had done i wondered if i needed to turn over power of attorney for a second and go live in a home.  yup, i worked myself into a fever pitch of negative emotions for a few hours........and then slowly began to breathe again. 

should i have shared that? not sure.......this is a record of my journey so yes i think it is alright to talk about it, yes, even the uncomfortable stuff. i don't have a mate to pay the bills or shop and so on and so forth......i mean let's face it even though my car got that sexy new tire today ol Geez hasn't caught a date yet either.....poor ol non dating Geez and i.......i'll pat her hood tomorrow and tell her she is loved and still a real beauty.......we have matching hair Geez and i......silver........silly silly sparrow.

hey......i took a few laps at goodwill today & guess what i found?  a gorgeous Christmas decoration still in the original never opened packaging.....it's a Marquis by Waterford design.....a nine inch hand blown glass ornament in rich jewel tones.  i took the outer plastic wrap off and held it up to the light........it's gorgeous.  i think sara might really love it......but see since i only paid $1. 91 cents for it at a thrift store i don't know if i am allowed to gift it to her.  if it were a non holiday time of year i absolutely would but since it is Christmas i am not certain.  it is in a beautiful gift box......

and i got a crystal sauce boat....a really pretty piece, from a famous china company.......for 99 centavos.  it sells online at a china replacement store for a good bit of change......so two good finds plus a great walk all for $3.03.  yeah, i'm a cheap date.  ohhhh well.

the final thing.....walked walmart while they replaced my tire.  stopped to admire some of that pioneer woman's ceramic ware (she has a famous cooking web site and a cooking show and this deal with wal mart, they sell her dish and probably cook ware as well..............very pretty designs......another lady is standing there --- she asks my opinion of pricing & styles......she shares that she and her sister like to drink that cheap sweet wine.......not a ton of drinking going on she promises......

but definitely some, and that they like to drink this sweet wine (i wondered for a sec if she might be talking about Boone's Hill Farm.....( is this the right name, any other baby boomers out there???)

did anybody else out there cut their teen age baby drinking teeth on Boone's Farm?  something with strawberry in it's name.......well it was dirt cheap then and it's still dirt cheap today (she shared)......anyhooooo she starts saying that she is strugging because she lost her sweetheart about a year ago......how hard the holidays are.  she said she seemed to be doing ok for a good while and lately she just cries at the drop of a hat.

she was his caregiver......for nine years.  they met when she was sixteen, he was 21......they ran off --- got married & remained married for 45 years........they lived all over the world --- had grand adventures.  he told her the day they wed that it was the beginning of their journey together.  that idea remained a constant throughout their marriage........by the time we parted i had held my arms open wide and let her let it out for a bit......she was struggling so hard, missing her life mate so much....it's heart breaking to see a soul mate open up this way. she said that her hubby made her promise that she would Sieze the Day......Carpe Diem......grab life......drink it in......have more adventures.....continue on the journey they had lived for so long.......he dared her to not only live, but to live joyously.......i believe she will get there in time.  she has good family around her......a lot of them are ill & struggling, she has several friends that have cancer.  she gets overwhelmed with it all at times and yet i could see the person she is sometimes and will become.  her own self.....empowered & released lovingly by the man who loved her for so many years......

her son is really struggling right now.....see her mate wanted to be cremated, he was always a free spirit......always on the go......the thought of being cooped up in one place was not for him.......so she wants to keep another promise.....to toss his ashes as per his instruction this New Year's Eve.....with her son and other family members.  They have finally decided that their son will keep some of the ashes in a small urn ....so that he can have his Daddy with him always.  .......please pray for this woman, for this family as they continue day by day to heal & grieve such a difficult loss.

.....what a lovely woman.  her name is Rhonda.....she worked at Publix Grocery store part time for five years before her husband was diagnosed.....he had a cross over of diseases.....part Lou Gehrig's/part Parkinsons........it was heartbreaking to watch her strong capable husband.....lover, best friend & sweetheart lose his abilities........

you can have the most amazing conversations in the darndest places if you open yourself up to prayer......God will lead you and the next thing you know you're listening to someone who truly needed a good listener........so often i am a talker....of course here, especially here as this is my journal, but in real life.....3D life as I call it I don't talk very much.  I am silent..........but i am very outgoing on the inside if i have a bit of energy and someone doesn't mind letting me talk awhile.

i am trying to figure out gifts.....i finally have good leads on what to get....trying to get sam over here to help me organize it all.....quickly.  probably going to be gift bags with present i o u's in them......again.  thinking i can have them shipped directly to their homes.......it's not unfun to open presents after the actual Day is it?  i mean since they aren't little bitties any longer........?  it will be alright won't it?  hope so.......it's almost 11:30 at night.....gracious what a day.

i missed the TV party for Tony Bennett.......his 90th birthday party celebrated LIVE.  but i did see the America's Got Talent Holiday Specatular last night.......that was really good --- i kept channel hopping back & forth from that to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.....which was also really awesome.......this is a good time of year for tv programming......lots of positive uplifting messages to catch......

and i want to catch as many uplifting happy bubbles as i can........just think..... on Tuesday i get to hang out with my dear good friend Ruth live........it makes it seem possible that someday I could meet all of you. have lunch, talk.....giggle, share........face to face.  that is such a hopeful joyous thought that i think i will toddle off to beddy bye.  nighty night.  so...did you?? wiggle your ears?

or not?  xoxo.