widowhood
Today is February 15th. Yesterday, Valentines day was 5 months since my Arthur passed away suddenly.
I can't believe it's been 5 months already, but then sometimes it seems it's been years with all the pain and suffering that goes with it. I never dreamed that it would be soooo hard. I was divorced for 11 years and remarried. But this is different. I feel so lost, lonely, big hole in my life, acute anxiety. Trying to come up with something that will make it better but can't. I know God is always here and He knows that but sometimes He feels so far away especially when I'm lying in bed with my stomach churning and can't get it to stop from anxiety and fear. I now feel afraid to be alone. I've never had that before, ever. I'm just hoping and praying for a breakthrough soon.
So many decisions. I am definitely selling my house but unsure where I'm going after that. I could live with an old friend of Arthur's and mine, but I'm not sure that's the answer either. I'm just confused all the time and no one can tell me the answers. I just want to cry. I just want to get better.
LMC
I can't believe it's been 5 months already, but then sometimes it seems it's been years with all the pain and suffering that goes with it. I never dreamed that it would be soooo hard. I was divorced for 11 years and remarried. But this is different. I feel so lost, lonely, big hole in my life, acute anxiety. Trying to come up with something that will make it better but can't. I know God is always here and He knows that but sometimes He feels so far away especially when I'm lying in bed with my stomach churning and can't get it to stop from anxiety and fear. I now feel afraid to be alone. I've never had that before, ever. I'm just hoping and praying for a breakthrough soon.
So many decisions. I am definitely selling my house but unsure where I'm going after that. I could live with an old friend of Arthur's and mine, but I'm not sure that's the answer either. I'm just confused all the time and no one can tell me the answers. I just want to cry. I just want to get better.
LMC
Replies
If I could make a suggestion, you should not make any major life decisions while you are feeling this way. I hope you are getting counseling or seeing a doctor. He or she may prescribe some medications that can help you get through this and get you to a more comfortable state where then you can make those decisions. I am the same age as you 63, and my anxiety right now is attributable to similar issues that you have gone through. I lost my father January/2015, a month later my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer and had to cololrectal surgery, she is fine now. Next my daughter graduated college and moved to Chicago to pursue her career, then I got laid off from my job last July. I started a new job last October and had a panic/anxiety attack at that point. I believe all those events were a buildup to my attack. That was a consulting job that lasted on 16 weeks. I\'m again out of work, so I\'m worried about money and having to tap into our retirement savings to make ends meet. This has all created a high level of anxiety that has been going on since I had the attack last October. The meds that wee working to control my anxiety Lexapro and Xanax are now not working. I will be trying a new course of action to rid me of my anxiety, it is called TMS, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation. If you\'ve never heard of it below is the link to a video explaining what it is. I believe your anxiety is short term due to the loss of your husband. Mine is much different I have been suffering from anxiety for nearly 34 years more than half my life. It is hereditary, my father suffered from depression, my uncle, his brother committed suicide. We believe it\'s been passed down from my grandmother my father\'s mother. That is why I am going to try the TMS. I hope with counseling, temporary medications prescribed by your doctor and most importantly time you can overcome your anxiety. I\'ll be praying for you.
https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=dr+oz+tms+youtube
Thank you for your advice Salvatop. It\'s helpful to hear from people who have already lived through some of this. I hope the new treatment works for you. I\'ll certainly be praying for you, too. Someone at the dr\'s office prayed with me today and it made me feel like God was so close. I pray you\'ll feel Him close today, also.