why me

SO the weekend, was bad but it was nothing like yesterday. My dad found out that i told my mom and he's turning my siblings against me. they dont understand just how traumatized i still am after all those years. I dont even know what to do anymore. Tyler skipped class to come over and try to console me, but idk anymore. Is basing my strentgh on his a good idea? :c My like is just spiraling out of control, my urge to cut is so incredibly severe. its only been 3 weeks since my last cuts... this is the longest i've ever stopped. idk if i can do this. The school counselors are "concerned", but they dont understand. They never could. I can't trust them. they could put me back in the hospital and i dont want that place. Tyler is great through all of this. getting me out and active instead of allowing me to dwell on bad thoughts, but he lives an hour away..he cant be there all the time.  so what do i do when he's gone. My best friend practically lives with me and i love that. it makes me feel like i'm never alone, but what happens in the middle of the night when i'm alone all over again. thats when it's all the hardest. The daytime i can handle, its when the darkness falls that everything stops feeling safe. i no longer live with my abuser but I find myself drawing my shades closed, locking my door, and sleeping with the light of my phone shining on my face. within reach. I still feel so alone...afraid. with as little as i am, i can wrap myself up and look like a pile of blankets. My mom encouraged me to move my bed from the corner of my room, whick only increased my fear. I hate being in that room alone. i begged tyler to stay lastnight, but since i had school today, he couldnt.i hate it when he leaves. i feel so much safer when he and i are curled up in bed with his arms around me protecting me from all my fears. making sure nothing can hurt me. he makes me feel invinceable. but when he leaves, he takes my strentgh with him. Mom thinks me staying with him is about sex, but he and i both know it's about security. i've had enough sex to last me a lifetime. i dont even enjoy it. it makes me feel dirty, empty, used. i cry i have flashbacks. she doesnt understand how greatly i was affected by my rape. she will never understand.