why up so early?

well, im up and its only 8 a.m. i dont know why i dont go back to sleep. im having some cofee in my very clean apartment. i relay like it when its clean. going to reay try this time. i will have to work on it every night. i love it when its clean. told b.f. to hurry up and come see it before i screw it up again.its so peacefull here by myself. i could realy get used to this. son comes home next week, then look out. i feel stronge but im scared. i dont want and it cant be the same. ill go insaine . i need to get a peice of paper and start writing down the new rules. why why why i realy wish i would have been a strict mother. he doesnt respect or fear me. its so nice and peacefull here. that will change. need to go see counseler next week before he comes back. im so tired. will prob go to aunts tonight. im such a hermet. dont know what im going to do for the holiday weekend. prob go to b.f. house and bbq. hope its not tooo hot but oh well, its summer weather i like it or not. ok, moore later...