why torture me like this?

i realy dont know why he has to be so mean to me sometimes, im just trying to get through the day, dont need his little comments. i know i have to get a job. he doesnt have to tell me that. ever since i gained al the weight, he has been different. i feel raly sick today. i think i might be accually sick, like the flu. so nausiuos. he just  realy pissed me off. he is supposed to love me. i realy think he loves me wene its good for him. his mommy dearest has poisened him against me and i realy resent him for letting her do that. too bad i cant talk to him about it. i dont even know if he realy loves me or not. oh ya, its fine and dandy wene im at his house, hes got lots to say about mommy dearest then. but then i leave, and its back to normal. realy bringing me down. he realy hurts my feelings alot. he didnt want me to work for those people anyway anymoore. he just doesnt want to here about it from his mommy. hes a wossie if you ask me. i would never let that happen to me. im my own boss. if this shit keeps up, i dont know what ill do. if i could lose some weight, he would change his tune. i guess he thinks nobody else would want me, he would be wrong. i waited all my life for this man, and now he is yet again letting me down. im 47 yrs old and realy have no secure future. im realy getting scared. dont want ot be old and alone. would be terrified to start dateing at this point in my life. i dont trust anyone. so if this ends, which i would have to end it, i would just be alone forever. oh ya, if i loose the weight, it would be for me, not him, then he can just bite me. its allways been like that, hes very much into outside apperinces, not me, if they dont like it they can also bite me...