Why the fuck.

As I was driving home from the lab, so they can check my lithium levels, I was thinking that three years ago I was doing great, I wasn't on any medications and I was rising fast. I was the student body president for the university of colorado, I was an RA and I was completely independent. It all changed in a heartbeat, now I am on eight medications to simply sustain my mood and have been hospitalized four times oh and I forgot all of the classes that I've dropped after many attempts to go back to school with a serious case of Bipolar and all of the other things that I am diagnosed with. No I am living with my parents where I switch from house to hose every so many months. I am tired and sick of all this illness this is not who I am and it is not who I want to be. But, can I change what has happened to me? I don't know... if it is a chemical imbalance I guess it needs to be supplemented with medications, however, I think that eight is simply too much.  Anyway, I see my new psychologist today. I am going to draw some rules, as I have not done in the pas yet I have experience in this area now. But they'll be simple rules such as I will not give her the name or contact information of my psychiatrist, simple things. I better get going I need to leave soon and I want to burn a cd.