Why should I care ?????

The biggest question on my mind lately has been... " Why should I bother caring any more ? " 

How can you continue to care for someone that shows you nothing but rage, cruelty, and coldness ? This has proved true at least 80 percent of the time lately, no matter how much I've tried to explain to him that I'm " on his side ". Apparently that doesn't mean anything to him anymore. He'd much rather make me the scapegoat for all of his problems. Any little thing that any of his ex-gfs have done to him, he assumes I will behave exactly the same way - if I haven't already. In reality I'm completely opposite to the " others ", but during his raging fits all he sees is his twisted version of reality, and that's nowhere near the truth. 

One thing's for sure.... after going through tonight's raging fit,  I've decided that there's no point in me being jealous about him talking to other women online. After all, why should I be jealous of that when I know what he's truly like deep down, and not just the fake personality that he uses when he chats online. So let all of those other women believe the " fake " version. I know the truth. If he should eventually decide to leave me for one of those online sluts, so be it. Then he'll be their problem. I'll be free of his rage, and once again I'll have complete peace in my life. Why I gave up that peace by taking him back again, I don't know anymore ? I thought I knew at first, but now I'm not so sure. 

There has been too many raging fits, in too short a period of time, for me to care in the exact way I did before. How can I ? 

I'm only human.

I have a heart that can... and does get broken... and after having it broken over and over... and over again, so many times, how can I still stand up, and say that I care ? How ?