Why isn't it getting easier?
My mother is in the assisted living now but I had a panic attack while visiting her yesterday. It is the first one she has actually seen me have. I have always kept them away form her but I couldn't do it this time.
I am at my wits end, doing as best I can given no real help and having no time off to becalm myself. The off days form watching my dad I now have to spend running al lover the place doing things to get mom situated. I am having to find out how her financ43s work and arrange the payment for her placement and at the same time visit my sister in the hospital, deal with my brother and his trying to get me to do more while doing nothing to help himself.
I finally returned his challenges to me this morning. He came and expected me to be able to help him with something for him, his car needs to be taken someplace to get body work. I told him this was a bad time to do it and I wouldn't be able to help him or lend him my car and he should find another time to do it but he didn't and expected me to just help him anyway.
I told him I couldn't and he got angry and started interrogating me why I couldn't help him and I told him I had to bring stuff to mom, go to the bank and arrange finances, and pick up medicine for mom. And he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about asking, "What do you mean pay for mom and bring stuff to her?" I siad irritated my voice rising, (also I had told him when he got there that I had a bad night with dad and was in a really bad mood before this and for him to just not talk to me today) "Do you not know what id going on her? Are you really that confused, Mom moved into an assisted living..." at this point he started swearing at me and bullying me and talking about how I was going off on him. I said that I was trying to tell you what al lwas going on and he needs to get with it and he turned and started moving down the hall at me chest puffed out angry face, his scary bully attitude.
It doesn't scare me and usually I just laugh at him but I was on edge and not in the mood to take any of his crap so I did the same to him and moved at him quickly also looking angry and before we clashed he reached up for the collar area of my shirt and looked me int he eye. I think most people back down form him and he dint expect it when I said, "You need to let go of me, Bud."
His eyes changed and he dropped his hands from me and he took a step back. I think I actually saw a little fear in his eyes.
after came the debate over how I had rushed him and I told him I was doing what he was doing to me and had done to me many times and asked him how he liked it.
I'm really getting pushed too far here and if he had tried to actually hurt me I think I would have knocked him on his ass. This would not be a good thing since he has a bad back and it might actually hurt him seriously.
But I felt good standing up to him in a more physical way as he has always acted like he had the edge there and now I'm not sure he really believes it and so maybe will think twice before trying to threaten me in that way again.
But My father was really bad all last night and this morning and I was so frazzled and on edge. I had a panic attack last night in bed trying not to wake my father again.
It is getting to be more than I think I can handle. My mom needs to get this worked out and dad placed with her very soon or I may have to give up and stop helping or go crazy.
I am at my wits end, doing as best I can given no real help and having no time off to becalm myself. The off days form watching my dad I now have to spend running al lover the place doing things to get mom situated. I am having to find out how her financ43s work and arrange the payment for her placement and at the same time visit my sister in the hospital, deal with my brother and his trying to get me to do more while doing nothing to help himself.
I finally returned his challenges to me this morning. He came and expected me to be able to help him with something for him, his car needs to be taken someplace to get body work. I told him this was a bad time to do it and I wouldn't be able to help him or lend him my car and he should find another time to do it but he didn't and expected me to just help him anyway.
I told him I couldn't and he got angry and started interrogating me why I couldn't help him and I told him I had to bring stuff to mom, go to the bank and arrange finances, and pick up medicine for mom. And he acted like he had no idea what I was talking about asking, "What do you mean pay for mom and bring stuff to her?" I siad irritated my voice rising, (also I had told him when he got there that I had a bad night with dad and was in a really bad mood before this and for him to just not talk to me today) "Do you not know what id going on her? Are you really that confused, Mom moved into an assisted living..." at this point he started swearing at me and bullying me and talking about how I was going off on him. I said that I was trying to tell you what al lwas going on and he needs to get with it and he turned and started moving down the hall at me chest puffed out angry face, his scary bully attitude.
It doesn't scare me and usually I just laugh at him but I was on edge and not in the mood to take any of his crap so I did the same to him and moved at him quickly also looking angry and before we clashed he reached up for the collar area of my shirt and looked me int he eye. I think most people back down form him and he dint expect it when I said, "You need to let go of me, Bud."
His eyes changed and he dropped his hands from me and he took a step back. I think I actually saw a little fear in his eyes.
after came the debate over how I had rushed him and I told him I was doing what he was doing to me and had done to me many times and asked him how he liked it.
I'm really getting pushed too far here and if he had tried to actually hurt me I think I would have knocked him on his ass. This would not be a good thing since he has a bad back and it might actually hurt him seriously.
But I felt good standing up to him in a more physical way as he has always acted like he had the edge there and now I'm not sure he really believes it and so maybe will think twice before trying to threaten me in that way again.
But My father was really bad all last night and this morning and I was so frazzled and on edge. I had a panic attack last night in bed trying not to wake my father again.
It is getting to be more than I think I can handle. My mom needs to get this worked out and dad placed with her very soon or I may have to give up and stop helping or go crazy.
Replies
It is about an hour later and I still haven\'t been able to calm myself. I\'m jittery, have like a knot in my chest cna\'t steady by breathing, my head hurts and I am unable to get my thoughts straight. I keep asking myself, \'What am I going to do? and begging that my mother places my dad so I don\'t have to go and watch him anymore. But I can\'t contact my mother to talk to her and I am not sure I want to go see her like this.
I don\'t understand why she is not letting him go into the assisted living home, I found it for him in the first place so she would have the most options and now after deciding to go there herself she isn\'t bringing him in. I am really confused and at the end of my rope.
Finally got everything done ending with going out to see my mom. Though she is still scared in a strange place (being almost entirely blind and afraid of falling because of weakened legs from her hospital stay) she seems to be getting along well and having times of being happy.
I got to talk to her and am arranging finances to pay for her and dad\'s placement. Mom finally decided to have dad taken to the same home as her. He will be going there tomorrow.
So , there is still the finances and my brother to contend with but at least I will not have to be going over to watch my father anymore and so won\'t have to deal with my brother on a daily basis.
The brother finance problem may still arise but it should work itself out as long as he can budget himself and act like most adults and pay his own bills and not spend it all on drugs, vacations and parties.
Time will tell if I end up with any inheritance or not. We, my mom and me, are going to try and get my dad\'s vet benefits and shelter what we can form the state when they come to call in the end. If done right my brother and I should still get the houses in the end. It will depend on how it is done and how long my parents live. Both are 87 and not very healthy but you can never tell.