why is it so hard?

getting over it.  sounds simple enough. but then theres the random thoughts, and images....even made up images. right when you think you're making progress, bam, a slap in the face....like stubbing your toe.  sometimes i feel like an overcooked omelet. or a smoothie that hasn't been blended enough, so theres huge chucks of ice and fruit....   all i want is to be.......before    before it all.  i know you can't go back. i tried. but to be like you were...that's possible, right? or maybe to be better... like a perfectly blended smoothie....just frozen goodness running down your throat.... stonger and tastier than before...... smooth and refreshing.... makes me thirsty, but jamba juice isn't open this late...... hmmm, if only i had a banana....