why is it hard

I have probably written this before... I am so lonely.  Right now, I feel like I cant focus, nervous,  anxious.  I have too much to keep me occupied for a good while.  I have school work, I have things I want to read, movies to watch, art to work on but instead I am feeling lonely and afraid.   My husband (longest separation/ soon to be divorced) has given me a date of when he will leave me.  In February.  February when I will be 35 is the same time he will leave the city where we live.  A smart person would say "f this, I'm out of here now so I can enjoy my life" but instead an idiot like me is just thinking "okay, I will wait this out to see if maybe you have a change of heart...or not, doesn't matter, walk all over me".  I just want someone to talk to, my girl friends are busy and they are tired of my life style (including me) the one male I do have to talk to only has one interest and that is to bang... No thanks.  I am having a hard time dealing with solitude and learning how to be Okay with being alone.  Not alone relationship wise but alone with just me for an evening.  Its like I always have to be near or around someone.  
I am falling behind on everything because I wait.  I await his phone call to ask me to go home, I wait for him.  I am so unhappy and I have the power to change all of that but yet, I don't.