Why I say no
Life is short. Even if you live to be 120, what does that compare to eternity in Heaven. There is an ongoing discussion on DS about dating. Basically the morals of dating. I've had many years to ponder the dating situation as I've spent most of my life single.
I'm old-fashioned. Would have fit well into the 19th century where high moral standards among women were appreciated. I was as pure as the driven snow when I married, and would never consider sex outside of marriage, not even when DH and I were divorced and started dating again. I know many people have asked me why? Why didn't I participate in the sexual revolution? Why was I such a stick in the mud, ignoring the times I lived in.
My answer: Fear. I'm afraid of God.
The bible is clear on this. Fornication is not acceptable. It is a sin.
Let me make it clear. When I was coming of age in the seventies, I scanned the bible for hours, hoping to find somewhere in there where it said that fornication was okay. I'd hoped desperately that somewhere I'd find the line: It's okay if you love the person. Or it's okay if you have a committment. Or it's okay after 2000 years. Or it's okay if everyone else is doing it. Well, I didn't find it. So I was left with a decison everyone has the right to make: What did I want to do with my life? Should I please myself? Please everyone around me? Or please God?
I decided to please God.
In my eyes, no man is worth angering God. I will not take a chance with my soul for a man that I could simply marry. And any man who loves me will understand that. He wouldn't want me to be worried about what God would do to me. He would want the best for me. And if he doesn't, he is not worth having.
One day, I started to wonder why God would tell us not to indulge. Afterall, the animals outside are free to do whatever they want. The answer came quickly. Long before AIDS, I saw the women who'd been used and abused by men. Tossed away as if they were garbage. These women felt horrible because they'd given their hearts to these men. Some were left to raise children alone and the curse of their sin was passed down to their children who were raised without a father.
Let me say, I know this does not describe every relationship. There are plenty of people involved in healty relationships who did not follow my path, but to the victims of men simply looking for a one night stand, this is little consolation.
.
I won't even mention the diseases out there.
Now, I know there will be some who read this and say I'm judging them. That can't be further from the truth. I don't judge people. That's God's job. I would only judge people if God asked for help in this area. And if He did, I would let all sorts of people in Heaven. I wouldn't have the guts to turn anyone away. Heaven would be just like it is here on earth and maybe that's why God tell us not to judge. We're ill equiped for the job.
I once had a friend who asked me why I didn't believe in premarital sex. And I told her that it wasn't that I was so much against it. It's just that I hadn't met a man I was willing to go to hell for. I feel even stronger in that regard now. My husband is in Heaven and one day I fully intend to be by his side. I will not risk that for anything in the world.
I'm old-fashioned. Would have fit well into the 19th century where high moral standards among women were appreciated. I was as pure as the driven snow when I married, and would never consider sex outside of marriage, not even when DH and I were divorced and started dating again. I know many people have asked me why? Why didn't I participate in the sexual revolution? Why was I such a stick in the mud, ignoring the times I lived in.
My answer: Fear. I'm afraid of God.
The bible is clear on this. Fornication is not acceptable. It is a sin.
Let me make it clear. When I was coming of age in the seventies, I scanned the bible for hours, hoping to find somewhere in there where it said that fornication was okay. I'd hoped desperately that somewhere I'd find the line: It's okay if you love the person. Or it's okay if you have a committment. Or it's okay after 2000 years. Or it's okay if everyone else is doing it. Well, I didn't find it. So I was left with a decison everyone has the right to make: What did I want to do with my life? Should I please myself? Please everyone around me? Or please God?
I decided to please God.
In my eyes, no man is worth angering God. I will not take a chance with my soul for a man that I could simply marry. And any man who loves me will understand that. He wouldn't want me to be worried about what God would do to me. He would want the best for me. And if he doesn't, he is not worth having.
One day, I started to wonder why God would tell us not to indulge. Afterall, the animals outside are free to do whatever they want. The answer came quickly. Long before AIDS, I saw the women who'd been used and abused by men. Tossed away as if they were garbage. These women felt horrible because they'd given their hearts to these men. Some were left to raise children alone and the curse of their sin was passed down to their children who were raised without a father.
Let me say, I know this does not describe every relationship. There are plenty of people involved in healty relationships who did not follow my path, but to the victims of men simply looking for a one night stand, this is little consolation.
.
I won't even mention the diseases out there.
Now, I know there will be some who read this and say I'm judging them. That can't be further from the truth. I don't judge people. That's God's job. I would only judge people if God asked for help in this area. And if He did, I would let all sorts of people in Heaven. I wouldn't have the guts to turn anyone away. Heaven would be just like it is here on earth and maybe that's why God tell us not to judge. We're ill equiped for the job.
I once had a friend who asked me why I didn't believe in premarital sex. And I told her that it wasn't that I was so much against it. It's just that I hadn't met a man I was willing to go to hell for. I feel even stronger in that regard now. My husband is in Heaven and one day I fully intend to be by his side. I will not risk that for anything in the world.
Replies
All I can say is wow. Interesting point of view. I believe God is love... not judgment. I wish you peace.
I don\'t believe you go to Hell for having sex or should we say making love outside of marriage. It\'s one expression of love for each other...and today with divorce so high and especially with some of us not wanting to remarry but would love the companionship of another human to share our lives with ...I can\'t see where that is wrong. I don\'t follow the bible and go to church but I did as a child..and I will never believe in something that would make you feel guilty and judged ....people do that enough to each other and to themselves. But we all have our own opinions...and I realize there are many God fearing people on DS..hugs...Ellen
Not judging anyone .....this is my take on it.......... I am in a place now where I would not have sex outside of marriage . When Norm and I got together we lived together for 5 mo before getting married.........waiting for divorces to be final.....it was hard to do that in spite of the fact that we were getting married.........and now...........16 yrs later , I am in a different place with God, and while I believe it is sin.........I don\'t believe I would lose my salvation because of it........but I would not have sex outside of marriage today.
Each person determines whiat is right for him/her.........that\'s what free will is about...........
L
I have heard and believe if you break one commandment, you are guilty of all of them. There is not one person on earth who hasn\'t sinned. Sex is one of the sins. You can hold your moral ground on not having sex outside of marriage but we still sin every single day of our lives including christians and non-christians. The only one who did not sin was our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Christ told the adulteress accusers, he who is without sin cast the first stone. Everyone left. God said in John 3:16 \"For God so love the word....\" God loves each and everyone one of us those that of His and those that he wants to come into the fold. God knows we sin. It is why we repent and turn to Him for forgiveness. Sex outside of marriage is one sin in a whole line of many sins that us human beings do each and every day. No one sin is no greater than any other sin. I believe God knows our hearts and that is what counts. Some people take the moral high ground but God knows what they actually do in secret, which would shock a lot of people. You have to do what is right for you and your journey with God. If not having sex until marriage gives you peace of mind, God bless you. If in your journey with God, having sex outside of marriage, give you peace....it is your walk of faith. No one can judge you on your walk of faith with God, only God can. I don\'t take any moral high ground cause I know I am the chiefest of sinners and God\'s knows my heart. I have forgiveness thru Jesus Christ my Lord and My Saviour. All the best Diane
I agree with you....I believe if I am convicted of a particualr sin by the Holy Spirit then that is what I need to correct..........I smoked for many years and then was convicted........it may not be wrong for someone else, but it is wrong for me...........and I feel the same way about sex outside of marriage or any other sin.........