Why I need to keep my mouth shut
Why didn't I listen to my own advice? I've been a widow for three months now. Actually, it's going into the forth month. I've changed. I used to be a very private person, not sharing with even my closest friends. Now, it seems I can't stop talking. I don't know, maybe I was hoping it would make me feel better. Instead, I feel worse. I'm being judged by the people I spend the greatest amount of time with and it does not feel good at all.
This is what happened. I decided to redecorate my father's house. I hired a decorator as I'm not that great with furniture arrangement. Well, this decision was deemed wasteful. It didn't matter that it put a smile on my father's face that I hadn't seen in years. It didn't matter that it made me happy. It didn't matter that the changes to the house increased it's value. The people I work with passed the word that I was wasting money.
It doesn't stop there. I purchased a dog and decided to have it boarded and trained at the same time. I did this with my previous dog and she turned out wonderfully, able to stay in the house by herself without getting into mischief. My new dog is a Shiba Inu, a somewhat feral dog that can be a handful if left to it's own devices. I work a 9 to 12 hour day. I won't be there to see that it receives the training it needs and my father is ill equiped for the task. Well, I was asked how much it cost by a coworker and stupidly answered. Within hours I heard snide remarks from people regarding what they considered another waste of money. I've apparently become the butt of jokes. It didn't matter that I'm driving a ten year old car and that I only go to the beauty salon once every two-three months. It didn't matter that I only get pedicures once or twice a year and that I haven't had a vacation in years. It didn't matter that I don't have kids, so a new dog becomes my kid in so many ways, and would certainly give me pleasure after a year of loss(bird, husband, dog all gone within 13 months).
Note that none of these people have given me one thin dime for either of my projects. Nor have they offered to sit with me on lonely days and nights.
Now I know, never share your personal life with coworkers. I will follow my advice from now on.
This is what happened. I decided to redecorate my father's house. I hired a decorator as I'm not that great with furniture arrangement. Well, this decision was deemed wasteful. It didn't matter that it put a smile on my father's face that I hadn't seen in years. It didn't matter that it made me happy. It didn't matter that the changes to the house increased it's value. The people I work with passed the word that I was wasting money.
It doesn't stop there. I purchased a dog and decided to have it boarded and trained at the same time. I did this with my previous dog and she turned out wonderfully, able to stay in the house by herself without getting into mischief. My new dog is a Shiba Inu, a somewhat feral dog that can be a handful if left to it's own devices. I work a 9 to 12 hour day. I won't be there to see that it receives the training it needs and my father is ill equiped for the task. Well, I was asked how much it cost by a coworker and stupidly answered. Within hours I heard snide remarks from people regarding what they considered another waste of money. I've apparently become the butt of jokes. It didn't matter that I'm driving a ten year old car and that I only go to the beauty salon once every two-three months. It didn't matter that I only get pedicures once or twice a year and that I haven't had a vacation in years. It didn't matter that I don't have kids, so a new dog becomes my kid in so many ways, and would certainly give me pleasure after a year of loss(bird, husband, dog all gone within 13 months).
Note that none of these people have given me one thin dime for either of my projects. Nor have they offered to sit with me on lonely days and nights.
Now I know, never share your personal life with coworkers. I will follow my advice from now on.
Replies
I think that what you have done is smart. It is a great idea to the the puppy to boot camp and decorating your dads place is smart too. Having things spiffied up a little helps battle the feelings of depression for both you and your dad. It is nobodies business how you spend YOUR money. Don\'t let those people get you down. You do not need to justify anything to them.
If you really want to have some fun, make some outrageous things up to tell them. Each day keep it going with new and more outlandish things. Eventually they will catch on and maybe they will even get it and feel embarrassed for judging you.
Beasely, I love the idea. I think I\'ll tell them that I just bought some property near that volcano in what country was that? LOL, love it, love it, love it.
Your coworkers sound absolutely awful. I would never share a thing with them ever again. You have to pick and choose who you share your personal information at work. It is like riding a very thin line with the coworkers. Only share with your friends outside of work and even then only the ones you trust with your life. People are judgemental when they have not walked a mile in your shoes. I know that for myself. Ignore their judgement calls on you as they are not in your shoes. If they have been in your shoes, they would not cast judgements on you at all. It will all come back on their heads one day. What goes around definitely comes around. From Diane
People are just plain mean I don\'t know what is wrong with them I think they are just jealous and I am serious I see this more and more and I just stopped talking to people, that and they just love gossiping about someone else I guess that helps fullfil something they are lacking and makes them feel better but I don\'t play that game, but I have to admit I like that whole property near a volcano thing LOL!!!
You do what makes you happy and F those who would critisize.....it is your life not theirs..and I was always careful with what I shared with co workers..
If it made you happy to redecorate your father\'s home, purchase a puppy to keep you company and pay to have it trained right away, that is all that matters. It really is none of their business what you do with your money, or you life, for that matter. Why is it the ones that are never there to help you and support you seem to be the first to criticize you???? There is no reason for you to be the talk of the office - maybe they are jealous. Continue doing what makes you happy & spending your money as you please -you have been through hell and deserve any happiness you can get. Just ignore them - they are ridiculous!!! CHERI
My view is that the day you ask them to put their hand in their pocket to contribute to whatever it is, is the day they are entitled to pass an opinion on what you are doing. I\'ve been a bit like you in not keeping my mouth shut when perhaps it would have been better. I think it\'s probably because the one we would naturally discuss private things with is not able to give his opinion and it\'s difficult to learn to keep it to ourselves. We are used to taking for granted that the other person always had our best interests at heart. These people are obviously not interested or don\'t understand that you need to do whatever helps you to move forward, it\'s personal to you and no-one has the right to tell you what you should do. As others say, you deserve some happiness so just ignore them.
Outside of my family l tell nobody anything,l often think are they really interested in what l am doing,and the answer is no,take it as a lesson you have learnt for the future,but really l would take no notice of what they say,sometimes it makes you feel good to put people like this in their place,you do whats good for you,don,t worry,we have enough worries,one day they will all know,what it feels like to grab a little bit of joy,take care
Alice
I think your co workers are mean and just plain old jealous.....don\'t let them creep inot your joy enjoy it for you they must have nothing better to do then being mindless and worrying about other peoples business....holds your head up high and tell them you just purchased a small island in the pacific, and hiring a decorator to decorate sheltor fro wayward animals.......that will give them something to talk about
I agree with your determination to keep your personal life out of the office - those people are thrown in with you by a common job situation and are NOT your friends that you\'ve chosen. Sorry they\'ve made such nasty remarks to/about you.
As for your decisions, I think you\'ve been doing just fine with redecorating the house and getting yourself a dog to care for and who cares what these people think?
Hugs, Gail
Isn\'t it a pity that people have nothing better to do than gossip? How empty their lives must be when they need our lives to give them something interesting to think about. And I hate to say this, but women especially are addicted to drama and gossip. We\'re judged and talked about when we\'re stuck in a rut; then judged and gossiped about when we make any effort to move forward and survive. Damned if you do- damned if you don\'t. Don\'t let them get to you. Over the last 32 months I have had to deal with all sorts of reactions, gossip, criticisms, well-meaning and not so well-meaning advice. Know in your heart-of-hearts that you know better than anyone what is best for you and their opinion really and truly doesn\'t matter.
Oh, and how about \'I\'m building a retirement home in Iceland - the real estate there is really cheap now....\'
Love and Hugs, Martha
A few months after my wife died I bought a motorcycle hoping I could have some fun riding it. Got the same line about wasting money and that I was a foolish old man trying to recapture my youth. A female friend of my wife called and wanted to have lunch with me. This lady worked with my wife for many years and has been a good friend through this ordeal. A coworker saw us and now I hear the whispers \"it sure did not take him long to start looking again\". That truly hurt but I finally shrugged it off. Most people live lives so small they have nothing left to do but judge others. Glad to hear about the house and the dog. Means maybe there is some hope I can find a way to move on someday. Thanks!
This was on my dog calendar for Saturday: No man can be condemned for owning a dog. As long as he has a dog, he has a friend; and the poorer he gets, the better friend he has Will Rogers
I think they make such good friends because they cant talk, hope you have a good day.
Hugs,
Ron
I am so sorry they are being so petty... Keep in mind how YOU spend YOUR money is YOUR business, not theirs... Next time one of them spends money on new clothes, a vacation, a new car, or anything, ask them what was wrong with the old one, or doesn\'t that cost a lot of money, you couldn\'t have chosen a less expensive ... ??? IMPLY you think they wasted their money, or if it\'s REAALLY expensive, flat out say \"WOW, What a waste of money\"...
Last I heard.....he/she who earns the money gets to choose how to spend the money......full stop. They are not worth a single moment of your time or energy. Good on you for choosing to be proactive....and I like others can\'t wait to see snaps of your puppy. I ,like you, chose to go out and buy a new puppy. Frankly I do not care what others think about my financial decisions!!