why do i still feel like a teen

im 34 years old and i still feel like a teen lol in the since of emotions and understanding i mean i still dont know what i wanna be when i grow up i have gone threw so many things in the past 5 years im seriously digressing and for me to be as smart as (I) think i am im scared i could at one time eat (read) a book up in one day now i cant even concentrate on a paragraph i dont sleep much any more cause it just seem like bad dreams are all i ever have im not a bad person at all im funny, sweet and a lil crazy lol i just dont understand the weight thats on my souls and therapy ive had about 15-20 years of it and nothing im angry cause how do i save me from dissapearing