Why do I care

Why do I care if he wants to be with me or not?  He says he wants to work this out, but somehow I know that's not true.  It's just something he's saying to ease his conscience.  Yes, he messed up, but at least he tried to keep our marriage together.  Bologna.  I've always known when he was lying.  I also knew he was a creepy pedophile- something about the way he played with our friends young girls just told me so.  I told myself that wasn't fair to categorize him in that way- he'd done nothing wrong- but it was just something in his face that read to me as a sexual attraction.  My mantra when he's around:
You're a pitiful pedophile
a pitiful pedophile
a pitiful pedophile 
a pitiful pedophile
and I don't want you 
I don't need you
If you come near me
I will push you
And if you're standing on a ledge
Then that's your problem
Don't say I didn't warn ya
Don't say I didn't warn ya
 
No harm meant, you know.  Just helps me to survive.  It really is crazy, too, how I feel so much better as long as he's texting me or telling me that he needs me.  The minute I check my phone and see no activity I'm a complete mess.  I wonder how many people have thought they were doing great and then completely fallen apart once their SO decided they wanted out, too.  Need to get to work on something.  Stay busy.  Need to remember- I know exactly what's to come.  I'm prepared.  No need to be shocked.  Thank God for that.