Why Can't I Say I Love You

I hate not being able to say I love you to my ex.
He never told me I couldn't say it, but I know how he would react if I did. 
(1) He wouldn't believe me.
(2) He may think I am trying to manipulate him
(3) Awkwaaaaard!
It is hard to not say something you said to someone for nearly 8 years. Our talks are so impersonal; he controls the flow of the conversation; then there is goodbye. Ugh. Hearing his voice makes me breathe easier, but when that phone call ends after a few minutes, it's like I'm on life support all over again.
Man, I miss him. Man, I love him. I so desperately want to tell him that.
But I can't. I may never have the opportunity to utter those words to him again. I avoid them like the plague because I do not want to push him further away. 



It WILL get easier WM. I know what you mean though, but after my crisis of my AP showing up out of the blue at work for a week, I found that as the week went on it got easier. The first day I do admit was extremely difficult, but as the week went on, I knew that there was nothing that I was going to do to ever jeopardize a relationship again, and really I wasnt even tempted to. I went through it and feel stronger, but I also know that if I allow myself to even chat with her, its possible that it will go down that path again. I know that I cant be friends with her, ever, I have no desire to and no need to. But I wish her nothing but the best, I hope that her marriage works out and she finds happiness. You WILL get to that point, but its taken me 3 years to get here, but now that I am here, it really feels good. So hang in there, keep getting your feelins out and journaling. Big Hugs and Be Blessed